Hello? Customer No-Service?

Go stand in line just about anywhere and you've automatically subjected yourself to the "customer service experience". Sounds like something you'd avoid, right?

No? Well, maybe you're on drugs. Just because a tangible line is not what you're accustomed to doesn't mean the masses, waiting to speak with a customer service representative, cannot relate. Unfortunately, it  seems, to be just the ticket for what sets us "over the top".

Being queued up like some cattle about to be branded or butchered when all you're doing is trying to accomplish something in your day is a bit dehumanizing.

It can be likened unto a good starting argument to sign-off on the idea of purgatory.

None the less, we all wind up waiting on someone for something, don't we?

I am at the age-and-stage in my life that I understand the demographic (now) rendering what I like to call "customer no-service". After all, I'd like to think I did a semi-decent job of raising two non-conformists from that generation.

It's not "customer no-service" from the standpoint of them not wanting to meet our desires for that particular moment, in as much as it is more so the uncanny ability of those in these positions to go to great lengths to either "not deliver" or explain why we cannot have what we ask for.

Case and point... Verizon

I wanted to simply figure out what to do to replace a cell phone that recently broke. This is not the entire transcript, just highlights:

E: Hello. Thank you for visiting Verizon Chat services. My name is E. How may I assist you today? I'd be happy to assist you.
You: My daughter's phone on my plan is inoperable. That phone's eligible for upgrade in November. If I replace it now, does a new 2 year agreement start?
E.: No if you purchase a phone without an upgrade it will charge you full retail price for the phone.

Alright, pausing here... she is not delivering on my question - read on:

You: If I understand you correctly... If I have to purchase a replacement Verizon phone for her line on my plan, I can either NOT choose the upgrade and pay full retail price OR choose to upgrade and pay the price with 2-year contract with that new 2-year contract starting now instead of November? Correct?
E: You can choose the upgrade but it will have you pay full retail price. You can add a line and then get 2 year contract and the phone at a discount price.

Again, she's not processing the question, just shy of trying to explain why I cannot have what I'm asking for - read on:

You: Let me see if I can simplify my question...
You: ...if I have a family plan with four lines
You: ...and one of those four phones malfunctioned(she interrupts)
E: If you have insurance on the phone you can turn it in and get a new phone.
(I resume phrasing the question)
You: ...but that phone is not eligible for a discount before November
You: and I do not have insurance on that phone.

Ooo, pet peeve of mine - let me chat, talk, communicate, grrr - read on:

You: I have to pay full retail price for another phone unless I add ANOTHER line to my four-person, four-phone plan?
E: If I may ask are any of the other phones eligible for an upgrade at this time?
E: If you transfer upgrades the person that you are taking the upgrade from can get the upgrade date that is in November.
You: Are you saying that if there is one phone on my plan that is eligible for a discount to upgrade the device... they can swap or switch with the phone that is eligible in November?
E: No. If you would like I can walk you through on where to find out if there is one available.

Excuse me? Beginning to think this one's suffering from a split personality - read on:

You: I know that there in fact is one that is eligible. The problem is that it is not the phone which malfunctioned. If I can switch (or swap) one phone's eligibility for another, would you please tell me yes or no?
E: Yes. If you would please log in as the account owner and I will walk you through on how to swap it.

Okay - got her, she said "Yes"; but at this point (nearing the half hour mark) I'm not totally comfortable with trusting her with even simple math at this point - read on:

You: I think I will take the phone to a Verizon store - and do everything there, as she has much data on the phone which will need to be transferred anyway.
E: I understand.

So, I tried to "be nice" and make her day "easier" (poor thing) and she took the bait.


~RNS