Has Helpmate Helping Hindered Healing?

Ah, mah-widge - a  tip of the hat, in homage to the Princess Bride - to be bound for all time (this side of eternity anyway) with your lifelong "helpmate" - 'till death do you part. That is not to say that such unions stay in a state of perpetual bliss, oh no, no, no, true believers... it ain't necessarily so.

The Holy Bible models many marriages that we can relate to (or wish for, considering whatever temporary situations we find ourselves in this day).

What we see in marriages therein (still, the Holy Bible) is in Scripture for our instruction - helping us to understand what GOD requires, and what our (positional) attitude should be in-and-out of times which GOD decides to move in our lives.

No more poignant example exists within this narrow scope of matrimony, than that of "Job".

"There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job..." (Job.1.1a.esv)

Job - whether a literal or figurative character from the time of the Patriarchs - was described in generalizations within the Bible's Old Testament as being a holy man and (unbeknownst to him at the time) an object lesson in hard times and trials.

It's a "given" - in this life, we will have trials...

Whether personally vested in, or merely knowledgable of, traumatic (national) events - we grieve; and, albeit we grieve, we know that healing comes regardless.

In my lifetime, living in the southeastern United States, these events impacted me the most:

* President Reagan's Assasination Attempt - March 30, 1981
* Space Shuttle Challenger - January 28, 1986
* Hurricane Hugo - 1989
* Hurricane Andrew - 1992
* Election of Bill Clinton - 1992
* Re-Election of Bill Clinton - 1996
* NY/PA/DC Terrorist Attacks - September 11, 2001
* Space Shuttle Columbia - February 1, 2003
* President Reagan's Passing - June 5, 2004
* Hurricane Katrina - 2005
* Election of Barak Obama - 2008
* Re-election of Barak Obama - 2012

(Yes, I underline for emphasis, build a bridge and get over it.)

In my sanctified imagination, I can almost see Job's list of impactful trials, I think it'd be a short list... in the number two position would be what GOD permitted Satan to do to him. The top answer would be "that woman [GOD] gave [him]" - the "helpmate" he married.

Grace Under Fire...

When our own trials arise, does our grieving resemble Job's...

"Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped... [and] Job did not sin or charge God with wrong." (Job.1.20,22.esv) 

...or some type of reaction we'd like to liken to posting an embarassing picture out on Facebook, letting those at church see cracks in your "nearly perfect" veneer of either godliness or peaceful home/family? Ouchie.

SO not Helping...

"Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die."  But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips." (Job.2.9-10.esv)

Job was (fortunately, or unfortunately) married. And, brothers-and-sisters... Job's wife was a real piece of... work.

No where else in the Book of Job does any further account of Job's wife occur. One would ask why... one who hears one asking why would say "Duh-uh".

Keep Your Friends Close, Keep Your Enemies Closer...

Given that the bulk of the Book of Job is a long-drawn out dialogue from three of Job's (not-so-sharp) friends, we'll forego that for now and focus in on Job's wife.

Is it not been mankind's experience that those who know us best, wound us deepest? Consider this... it's one thing for a kid that ain't yours to walk down the hall in church, haul off and sucker punch you and laugh about it; but, entirely a more grievous issue for your own progeny to even toy with your heart and state, "I hate you."

In light of those real-world events, consider Job's wife - she sees all what has been wrought against her husband (Job) and entices him to "curse God and die". Y'know, some (if not all) might have been her kids, too.

The man's already down-and-out and you want to dig your 3400 year old stillettos into your husband? Whoa, Nellie!

A Complete Restoration...

My favorite parts of the Book of Job would have to be -

"And the LORD restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before." (Job.42.10.esv)

Of special note, Scripture cites that his siblings "showed him sympathy and comforted him for all the evil that the LORD had brought upon him." GOD "permits" evil, Satan needs permission to acost the Saints.

and -

"He had also seven sons and three daughters." (Job.42.13.esv)

Probably by other wives (or wife) - being that Job's (initial) wife is conspicuously absent after chapter 2, these children - being a blessing from GOD - would doubtfully come via the "nagging wife".

"And Job died, an old man, and full of days." (Job.42.17.esv)

Ah ha! I cannot fathom why - as additional rationale as to why Job never saw his "Chapter 2" wife again - GOD would permit Job a long life with anyone that embittered.

Thank GOD I am not Job - and that my wife is not THAT wife - and that GOD is GOD. MMLIA.

I Ain't Singing

I use to get in to SO much trouble in school whenever it afforded me an opportunity to "journal", write poetry, or entertain my classmates - especially in "chorus". Two of my specific "gifts" in the realm of music were...

1) singing falsetto, behind the altos practicing their respective part and flatting random notes so they'd have to do it again-and-again;
2) parodying anything we were singing

So, suffice it to say, Christmastime in public school was fodder for my hyper-creative mind. Here's a sampling of things I've written over the years...

"Up on the Housetop":

"Up on the sidewalk, breaking laws
Drives a gin-soaked Santa Claus
Careening amongst the girls and boys
All four wheels lock, hear the noise

Uh-oh, no - wouldn't go slow
Uh-oh, no - even in snow (oh)
On the scene, the coroner's quick
The cops have arrested Ole Saint Nick"

Another favorite... "The Christmas Song":

"Beer nuts open near a toasty fire
Your dog lickin' 'tween my toes
"Roll Tide" towel being draped o'er a tire
An' jokes 'bout Ding Dongs and Ho-Ho's

Everybody knows a turkey like my Uncle Moe
Helps to forget my Cousin Mike (on a)
Tiny cot, as he sits on Death Row,
Finding it hard to sleep tonight"

And, who could forget... "Frosty the Snowman":

"Freddy, the Mailman was a sad, demented soul
With a fright of dogs and a bad left knee 
He went out in to the snow

Freddy, the Mailman is a scardy cat they say
As he walked his route, all the children shout, 
"Cujo will bite you here one day"

There must've been some tragic signs that Freddy did not see
For when he saw the Saint Bernard
He fell and broke his knee..."

And, finally, an old time favorite... "White Christmas":

"I'm screaming for a debt-less Christmas
Just like the ones Dad didn't owe
Where the toys weren't costly
And charge cards low fees
Had Mom's jewelry out of hock by June"

Merry Christmas, y'all! MMLIA

What's Your Type?

There are only four types of churches - those who purport to be the Body of Christ - whether, or not, that is proven to be true by the litmus of scripture.

Now, we could endlessly debate on what the "church" (actually) is... or we could run with the definition that it is merely those who are True Believers in Christ, regardless of what physical building they make it a point to frequent on this ball of mud we call "Earth".

Given the context, here are the four broadest categories which all local gaggles of the Body of Christ could be collectively grouped into.

1. Those Without GOD's Love or Righteousness
a. Per scripture, this church would (most) resemble: Church at Laodicea (Rev.3.15)
b. In modern times, their doctrine may be found in: any church over-emphasizing any spiritual gift (or singular member of the Trinity) to the exclusion of any other gift (or God-head member) for their own glory.
c. Typical pastor would resemble: Benny Hinn

2. Those With GOD's Love But Lacked His Righteousness
a. Per scripture, this church would (most) resemble: Church at Thyatira (Rev.2.20)
b. In modern times, this doctrine may be found in: progressive Catholic churches - as well as most churches choosing to describe itself as "non-evangelical"
c. Typical pastor would resemble: Joel Olsteen

3. Those Without GOD's Love But Uses His Righteousness
a. Per scripture, this church would (most) resemble: Church at Ephesus (Rev.2.4-5)
b. In modern times, this doctrine may be found in: Westboro Baptist Church, Topeka, KS
c. Typical pastor would resemble: Fred Waldron Phelps, Sr. (or the scary pastor off Poltergeist)
4. Those With GOD's Love and Righteousness
a. Per scripture, this church would (most) resemble: Church at Philadelphia (Rev.3.8)
b. In modern times, this doctrine may be found in: very, very few churches - in America, only in small start-up and home churches
c. Typical pastor would resemble: (Honestly, there have been those who've closely modeled Christ - but will not be listed here to preserve their humility)

Now, in the Book of Revelation there are other churches mentioned - some with traits of the four above - which were not cited for the point of this article. Not to say they get a proverbial "pass"; but, for points of illustration, were not as poignant as the others cited.

MMLIA

When I'm Spanked - Yeah, As If

I got to thinking a few minutes ago - the English language is SO convoluted, really.

My panache for "seeing words", as I call it, has created situations where my brain has already fired off a retort via my mouth before my conscience has a moment to gather intel (sighs). It happens rarely... but happens none-the-less.

As I grew up, I was becoming very familiar with the difference between WHEN and IF - and I have my parents and my third grade teachers to thank for that. "WHEN", they said, "you mess up, you're going to get it after lunch."

Note: they never said IF, as it was already a foregone conclusion that you were going to (proverbially) step in/on it.

But, alas - my third grade year 'twas also the year they took spanking (a.k.a. paddling) out of public schools in South Carolina.

I remember the pure shock and morbid fear on the faces of the teachers WHEN it was announced over the loud speaker(s). What would they do now IF we "stepped in it"?

Becoming a soldier, a husband, a father, a Christian... I've had another epiphany: the word AS. It has become my favorite adverb.

AS communicates not only a foregone conclusion (i.e. WHEN), but it strikes me as a more aggressive (read: directive) article of speech. Here... let me enlighten you AS to why...

Parent to Child:

WHEN you grow up... I pray you mature. (Pleasant)
IF you grow up... it'll be a miracle. (Funny)
AS you grow up... keep in mind that I don't have to let you do so. (Hilarious)

Boss to Employee:

WHEN you are out of the office for a protracted period of time... make sure you sign a leave slip. (Blah)
IF you are out of the office for a protracted period of time... you will be let go. (Ouch)
AS you are out of the office for a protracted period of time... start looking for another job. (Jingle-BLAM)

 
Teacher to Student:

WHEN you use your cell phone in my class... it disrupts the lesson plan. (Whatever)
IF you use your cell phone in my class... I will call your parents. (Riiiiiight)
AS you are using your cell phone in my class... I am going to confiscate it and demonstrate how I hammer nails (Pwned)

County Sheriff to Speeding Motorist:
 
WHEN you speed in my jurisdiction... you must read and heed posted speed limits. (Warning)
IF you speed in my jurisdiction... you must read and heed posted speed limits. (Citation)
AS you speed in my jurisdiction... you have the right to remain silent, anything you say... (Ruh-roe, Shaggy)
 

 Deli Owner to Patron:

WHEN you come up to the counter, be ready to place your order or...
step aside and let the next customer order. (Polite)

IF you come up to the counter, be ready to place your order or...
I will start whistling the Jeopardy bonus round tune. (Stern) 

AS you come up to the counter, be ready to place your order or...
NO SOUP FOR YOU! (What we would all want to say)

Company Commander to His Soldiers:

WHEN the enemy attacks... arrange a meeting between them and GOD (like Robert Duvall)
IF the enemy attacks... then they are definitely looking forward to that meeting (like Robert Duvall)
AS the enemy attacks... keep in mind that it's good manners to ensure that they’re early for that meeting (like Robert Duvall)

Leave it to a memory of the GOD-less public education system to stir me up to writing about adverbs. MMLIA

Why I'm NOT Thankful

Thanksgiving - an obscure holiday commemorating struggles that early American Puritans, fleeing religious persecution, endured. Or, if you're an oblivious agnostic or atheist... funny people, in clean black-and-white clothing, smiling and eating potluck luncheons with "Native Americans" (don't get me started on hypenated-Americans - another post for another time).

And although I could pontificate and extol the nobler practice of (actually) being thankful the other 364 days of this particular year, I'll forego it in lieu of communicating something else ENTIRELY, and with a slightly warped sense of relief (humor).

As South Carolina's most prolific gruntled veteran, I want 44% of the state (and 51.5% of the national electorate) to know why I am NOT thankful for certain things:

I am NOT thankful for...

1) wrath - defined as: vengeance or punishment as the consequence of anger

Because the last thing we need are individuals behaving badly after general elections - no matter who the electorate inadvertently put back in office - just because the country is on the precipice of a fiscal waterfall.

2) greed - defined as: excessive or rapacious desire, especially for wealth or possessions.

Because the last thing we need is a government taking more from those who built their own businesses - who employ the majority of the local citizenry - to the point where they cannot afford to provide benefits for those they'll (soon) have to let go, to say nothing of having to shut their doors permanently.

3) sloth - defined as: habitual disinclination to exertion; indolence; laziness

Because the last thing we need is a country that discourages success and drives its point home by continuously re-gifting a growing majority of those in lesser circumstances with funds they would have had to earn for themselves.

4) pride - defined as: a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

Because the last thing we need is a group of individuals in the government with an unwritten mandate to facilitate class warfare for the sake of the haughty egos in a certain marble-lined town up north - completely out-of-touch.

5) lust - defined as: a passionate or overmastering desire or craving (usually followed by for)

Because the last thing we need are public servants who are more interested in accommodating their own comforts prior to - and often to the exclusion of - that of their electorate (read: constituents)... and then to escalate the threshholds of their comfort at the taxpayers' expense.

6) envy - defined as: a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another's advantages, success, possessions, etc.

Because the last thing we need to believe - as a people group - is that someone else has something they shouldn't, that they didn't earn (read: build) that - to internalize that to the nth degree, to the point of influencing law (read: legislation) in order to corrupt, steal from and otherwise vandalize our free-market economy, our neighbors, and public places (respectively) - also, see "wrath", above.

7) gluttony - defined as: excessive eating and drinking

Because the last thing we need is to cope with the desperation of our country's economic slip-n-slide by immersing ourselves in alcohol and "comfort food"... effectively pulling out of society and draw up tight within our holes we call "homes", with no deep and abiding fellowship, not even light social interaction with our own partisans.

I'd like to thank dictionary.com for all the definitions - without their support, this topic wouldn't have been made possible... and the smell of the color 9. MMLIA

Committing A Crime of Commission

Are you committed - do any of us do the deep and important things conscientiously (by commission)? I'd like to think I'm that deliberate - but are ANY of us committed consistently?

Consistently committed to one's job, one's spouse, one's children or one's church - regardless of the object of our commitment, I have wondered... hat commits us to do so?

Words, for the most part - and they are mighty weighty things.

Is it any wonder that 21st century America is a VERY litigious society. What you say can get you in trouble! To not know this is like the two 1970's cast-offs coming up from under their rocks in the GEICO commercial, having a major epiphany.

But why? Why do words have weight? Well (that's a deep subject), its because our words define us and divide us... both warm us and warn us... follow us and foil us... and on anon (apologies, Shakespeare).

Take the enlisted man's oath into the United States Army:  

"I, (state your name), do solemnly swear that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God."

Those words? Words that express our commitment to something larger than ourselves - a commitment.

Or take the words of Matthew, e.g. the Gospel According to Matthew:

And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always to the end of the age." (Mat.28.18-20.esv)

Those words? Words that charge us to do something much more involved than we might initially understand - a commission.

Now this got me thinking (no, not the steaming cup of tea before me), the "Great Commission". You and I both know there's no proverbial "half-steppin'" or "knockin' it in neutral" regarding how we are to approach fulfilling the Lord's mandate.

Being consistently committed - either you're all the way in or outta the pool (bent, but floating, Baby Ruth's aside).

What is being emphasized in the Book of Matthew, Chapter 28, Verses 18-20? Hint: it's not what the words appear to be on the surface - throw it in low and plow deep, friend.

Obedience? Yep, no argument from me there. Action? Absolutely, the Gospel demands proof of our obedience. Faith? Jesus has the cred' for sho' (sorry, was that too ghetto?)

All true - but the chief take-away is DISCIPLESHIP - and all throughout Baptist-dom, brain synapses are exploding, arteries are hardening and little old ladies are shaking their canes and walkers at the sky. A crime has been committed (gasps: hide yo' wife, hide yo' kids)!

"But the Great Commission is about evangelizing the lost!" No, your LIFE should be about evangelizing those who do not yet know Him. Jesus isn't calling us to maintain the status quo through this edict - He's calling us to bump it up a few notches.

We, as committed, True Believers (apologies to Stan "the Man" Lee of Marvel Comics fame) need to consistently re-evaluate the Great Commission each-and-every morning. Why? So glad you asked.

If any have EVER had the privilege of leading someone to the Lord, we know it's AWESOME; but, first, the Spirit has to come upon them - and since we do not know when He (the Holy Spirit) chooses to come upon any/all... we're to be ready in-and-out-of-season to share the risen Christ.

"Okay, you've just explained evangelism - isn't that what we're to do to fulfill the Great Commission?" Someone's not listening.

What happens to the typical new True Believer - should someone lead him, through the Spirit's prompting, to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ? Well, sadly, what TYPICALLY happens is whoever leads them to Christ, leaves them alone - either by going back home or going back over to their side of the church.

Discipleship is KEY to sustaining a godly witness, a Christian walk... and Jesus knew this.

He (Jesus) did not say, "Go therefore and lead the lost to a saving knowledge of Me, hoping that they'll be baptized and consistently be discipled by the church down the street..." No, but Christ does require us to "make disciples" - it infers a consistent commitment, a radical one in this day and age.

"You mean I gotta be a pastor to someone - isn't that a pastor's job?!" Ah... no sir, it's actually EVERYONE'S job to teach, mentor and disciple - not just the pastor's. And all of us should be doing so in-and-outside-of church, consistently.

Now, some will have a supernatural dose of these things - the Spiritual Gifts of Teaching, Pastor, Exhortation (not extortion), etc. - but ALL True Believers are expected to use whatever Spiritual Gifts they have been given to this end. Let's keep in mind that the character in which these Spiritual Gifts are to be rendered can be found in the Fruits of the Spirit (see Gal.5.22.esv).

Hey, here's a RADICAL idea - if the Lord has pressed it upon our hearts to lead someone to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ... then the Great Commission is (and must be) the next logical step - only when its being fulfilled, when we adhere to Christ's command and commit to making them DISCIPLES by consistently surrendering ourselves to be poured out into the lives of these new True Believers will GOD be honored through our individual lives. MMLIA

More Than Just A Rolling Stone

Our world is mobile... very much so.

Mobility drives our commuting patterns (or lack thereof) - flex time, telecommuting, swing shifts, etc.

Mobility quickens our expectations of the service industry - mobile car washing, mobile windshield repair, mobile dog grooming, etc.

Mobility opens our world up - more people moving, staying put shorter periods of time, video chat, etc.

Mobility has a charm to it - for me, its a katana that cuts both ways - mobility robs us like a ninja pick-pocketing a pirate, savvy?

Mobility can be the proverbial "loose gravel n the road" that makes our commute treacherous, the "flying rock" that collides with us and obscures our vision, the "rough dry stone wall" between us and our neighbors (and subsequently, our neighborhood).

Is our mobility detaching us from life? Are we "stoned" by our "mobility"? 

How about relationships - is it REALLY our desire to foster and participate in such a mobile environment serving as a distraction to building each other up, to being there for other people, to being honest, open and transparent with like-minded folks? Yes, I'm talking about the body of Christ, the Church - not the building.

So, we know "sticks and stones" don't make a church - the people of GOD serve as parts of the overall body of Christ, fulfilling (prayerfully) His purpose on Earth. We need all the "body parts" - eyes, ears, noses, fingers, feet, hands, elbows... doing what they were gifted and designed to do.

But why even gather - after all, we don't have to gather every time the doors (somewhere) are open, right? Right.

We don't HAVE to gather - most of us WANT to, out of gratitude, out of love, out of a desire for genuine fellowship - to worship, to study, to edify (lift up) like-minded (Christians), to minister both in and outside the body of Christ...

It may be counter-intuitive to say so, but, "mobility" has us out gathering stones together and building up walls at the same time we should be "casting away stones" and tilling the soil for the sake of others.

Do we need to BE the church (body of Christ, Christians) by being AT the church (building)? Are we in love with the literal interpretation of building (literally) upon the chief cornerstone (Christ)?

When I said, earlier, that its a katana that cuts both ways - I meant it. And now, I mean it again - but in this light: Perhaps BEING the church (body of Christ) is more about being "mobile" than it is about being "set in stone" (static, unmoving, behind a wall)?

Perhaps BEING the church is more about unsettling your foundations, getting up and going out into the streets, homes and just "rolling with it"?

Perhaps BEING the church is more about the relating to other residents of our communities instead of residing with our regular relatives?

Moss may not grow on a "rolling stone" - but its impact on anything in its path can result in a growth within and outside of us. MMLIA

I'm Voting Against the Process

Ah, the first Tuesday of November - regardless of its numeric value - turns stomachs and (at the same time) excites the masses. (Nope, I'm not Catholic - big "C".)

Since I cast my first ballot back in 19-ah-ha-hem (excuse me), I've noticed the political tongue wagging and war-waging has been elevated to an insane new level.

We all (if honest with ourselves) know that "running for office" involves misrepresentations made by (and against) our preferred candidates. And, for the most-part, many of us who think for ourselves know how to tune out the static.

But, what about the rest of our country? What do those who apply (only) a litmus test for a singular issue and/or continue voting based solely on party affiliation, a particular shared religious belief or (perish the thought) skin color?

If someone WANTS to be helped, they'll ask for help.

My advice this election day? Vote and tell others you voted... or don't vote and keep your mouth shut about it. (Oh, he's rude - yes, I am rather blunt about this.)

No one wants to endure someone waxing rhapsodic about a particular candidate, only to discover that they did not vote and simply wanted your attention (to what end, I do not know.)


My advice this election day? Stay off the streets the night of and the day after the election.

Since the Bush-Gore presidential election (that's the year 2000 for my 12 year old followers), I've noticed escalating violence (some reported, most not) typified by both the victor's and loser's respective followers.

We, as self-centered, comfortable and opinionated Americans do not like losing.
I predict - no, I don't have tonight's winning Power Ball numbers - that regardless of who wins, there will be civil unrest... so, don't be out in it (read: guilty by association). So, celebrate (or cry) in the comfort of your own homes.

My advice this election day? Stock up. On what? Well, that depends on who wins.

Now, I won't get into who wants big government and who doesn't; or, even, which candidate wants to print more money and which wants to balance the budget. None of that matters, right? (Insert facetious voice HERE)

My advice can be taken, left alone or forgotten. These are merely my opinions - which are like belly-buttons... everyone has one, but you want to make sure you clean it up before you share it with anyone. MMLIA

Transparency, But to What End?

How much is too much? Hmm.

We've often heard someone say, "Whoa, TMI, TMI!" (Read: Too Much Information).  Yes, we often devour - intentionally or unintentionally - shovel-fulls of information in our daily living.

Is "keeping it real" the same as "being transparent"? Well, that depends (or pampers) - do you have a moral compass and do you know how to use one?

Are we more interested in "coming out of the closet" than "cleaning it up"? Don't know - are YOU the one that'll be cleaning it up, or are you going to ask for help?

I know - seems to go down through the entire process in our brain buckets is going to exacerbate migraines, as the thought process has a tendency to generate more questions than it answers. And that's okay, if we're not asking the questions, we won't even begin addressing the problem(s).

So, what's the problem? Glad I asked myself this under the pretense that you (the reader) thought to think the question (now MY head hurts).

I cannot speak as to a third world tribesman in the darkest reaches of Africa. I cannot speak to you as if I was a noted politician in Parliament; nor, can I speak from the perspective of an over-educated elitist submerged in academia (see blog).

I can (however) speak to you as a Christian - and to that end, what the Church (sum total of all true believers in Christ) should be doing to BE transparent to those around us... not what the 21st century American church typically does (or chooses NOT to do).

We should...

1) Consider that our brothers and sisters in Christ are opportunities to honor and reflect Christ...

     And the King will answer them, 'Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, [fn] you did it to me.' ~ Jesus (Mat.25.40.esv)

2) Do for others - not just because we (ourselves) are blessed (by GOD) - but because we love Him...

     And he answered them, "Whoever has two tunics is to share with him who has none, and whoever has food is to do likewise." ~ Jesus (Luk.3.11.esv)

3) Humble ourselves to receive any blessing (from GOD) - no matter how odd it may appear, getting over our "dignified reserve"...

     Peter said to him, "You shall never wash my feet." Jesus answered him, "If I do not wash you, you have no share with me." ~ Peter and Jesus (Jhn.13.8.esv)

4) Make it a point to "lower the shields", show up and be available to participate in the blessings of others...

     And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved. (Act.2.44-47.esv)

5) Find others and share our own needs within the body of Christ, so that GOD receives His glory...

     There was not a needy person among them, for as many as were owners of lands or houses sold them and brought the proceeds of what was sold and laid it at the apostles' feet, and it was distributed to each as any had need. (Act.4.34-35.esv)

6) Make it a point to get involved in the lives of our brothers and sisters...

     Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. ~ Apostle Paul (Rom.12.13)

7) Realize that what's already been provided for us (Gentiles) didn't happen for us to merely write songs and authoritative books on - it was provided as a model of living...

     For they were pleased to do it, and indeed they owe it to them. For if the Gentiles have come to share in their spiritual blessings, they ought also to be of service to them in material blessings. ~ Apostle Paul (Rom.15.27.esv)

8) Take the lumps with others and celebrate with them as well...

     For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. ~ Apostle Paul (2Cr.1.5.esv)

9) Be thankful - whether you were there, receiving a blessing from the ministry of servants in the Church, or providing them yourselves...

     For the ministry of this service is not only supplying the needs of the saints but is also overflowing in many thanksgivings to God. ~ Apostle Paul (2Cr.9.12.esv)

10) Be mindful of the responsibility of the Word, in all matters spiritual and material...

     One who is taught the word must share all good things with the one who teaches. ~ Apostle Paul (Gal.6.6.esv)

11) Remember, that were it not for GOD's grace, we would still be wretched and fixated on ourselves...

     Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. ~ Apostle Paul (Eph.4.28.esv)

12) Exercise your works, in Christ - lest your faith be meaningless...

     If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and filled," without giving them the things needed for the body, what good [fn] is that? ~ James (Jam.2.15.esv)

Being transparent isn't about folks seeing you - warts and all - but more so, being who you desire to be, in Christ, for those in the fellowship who may be at different points along the very same road you all travel. MMLIA

You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Poignant moment this afternoon...
The wifey works with blind co-workers. She happened to see one of these delightful ladies board the bus prior to hopping in the car with me. As the bus (and our car) seem to be heading in the same direction, she rolls down her window and waves at her blind friend sitting beside the window seat on her side of our car. I wanted to crawl under my seat - well, maybe just a little bit.

Earlier today...
I told the beagle to go to her cage (as we were leaving for the workday). Her name is "Mustard" - no, the poodle's name isn't "Ketchup", we were merely going down the spice rack. Apparently this hound has a stellar grasp of prepositions - as she went "to" the cage but did not go "in" the cage. Guess the Mustard wasn't flowing as well as we'd hoped.

This past Monday...
I'm trying to get the pups squared away, put the food out on the deck, water (check) and go searching for the leads (a.k.a. leashes) whilst yonder dogs bark-and-bay (loudly, wanting out). I was NOT walking in the Spirit by the time I found them, realized that the reason the leads were beside the "other" door was because the "man of the house" decided over the weekend that we would be taking the pups out THAT door. I sheepishly apologized to my wife.

 
Last month...
When I went to "Wally World" and purchased a DVD, I decided to do the whole "self scan" thing - figuring I'd save time. So, after a couple of taps on the touchscreen, bagged my item, showed the cashier/jockey my receipt, passed the greeter... and set off the alarm. So, after going back two MORE times - and noticing folks who weren't even in line at some of the OTHER (read: normal) check-out lines leaving the store BEFORE me... I get the permission of Der Commissar to proceed with my guilt-ridden purchase, walking out feeling like "public enemy number one".

Earlier this year...

When our work office moved just north of the city, I took the opportunity to setup a co-worker for a practical joke. Most of the buildings were older than my father and use to "house" people. So, after walking about with two of my co-workers, I turn to the "mark" and point up to the third floor window, asking her, "Hey - did you see that, looked like a woman wearing a housecoat staring down here at us." Fast forward one week. I sneak in to the work area, after coming back from lunch, sit down outside her office and intermittently start tapping on the drywall. When she stops talking on the phone, I stop - when she resumes, so do I. Then I hear her say, "Let me call you back, I don't know what's going on in here." She comes around the corner and I tactfully introduce her heart to her tonsils (classic).

Couple of Halloween's ago...
My wifey had a marvelous notion to buy a fake, brown, wire-and-Styrofoam, four foot wide (legs) spider for our house. Not to be outdone, she wanted it to scare our eldest with it - who is near-deathly afraid of them. So-o, her younger sister gets wind of the freakish ambush awaiting her sibling and places a video camera in the closet, where I placed said arachnid (yep, I cow-towed and joined the hooligans). So-o, as you might've guessed, all went according to plan. Yep, our eldest opens the closet door and (yep) she freaks HARD - caught on camera, and, yep... if I wasn't a Christian, I'd definitely know WHY I was going to Hell after that one. MMLIA

What Ship Are We Booked On?

The 21st century Christian church in America has it (chiefly) wrong. Fellowship is not discipleship.

Now, Fellowship, in and of itself is not the problem - in fact, it's NECESSARY within the family of GOD; but, without Discipleship, even the best Fellowship will cannot grow the Kingdom of GOD the way Scripture intends.

As a body of believers meeting corporately (read: in a gaggle called "church"), we know that...

...rightly divining Scripture, by itself, is BIBLE STUDY.
...building relationships, by itself, is FELLOWSHIP.
...Christian service, by itself, is MINISTRY.
...communicating our needs to the LORD, by itself, is PRAYER

I fervently long for these things; but, what I want even more so is DISCIPLESHIP - to build all of these individual things (above) in to those who, walking in the Spirit, subsequently being in one accord, could be embolden in our church family for Christ in such a way as to impact our area of the county like its never been done before.

By way of example, for those not familiar with the concept of DISCIPLESHIP, it...

...goes through Scripture and doesn't ask, "How does that make you feel?" but rather, "As Christians, how then should we live in light of this?"
...gets intimately involved in the lives of others where folks become accountable to (and for) each other - "warts and all", per se
...grows individuals, prepares them to use their spiritual gifts for ministry, and partners with them - ensuring no one "goes it alone"
...grabs a hold of GOD's promise and prays fervently for each other, knowing that confidence is there - trusting whole-hardheartedly in His Word

More examples of what this looks like...

In Fellowship, one says, "We need to reach the lost."
In Discipleship, one says, "I desire to pour myself into you, who was once lost, to build the kingdom."

     "Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age." (Jesus, Mat.28.19.esv)

In Fellowship, one says,  "We love GOD and the family of GOD."
In Discipleship, one says, "I love GOD enough to pick up my brother's cross and walk with him."

     "Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple." (Jesus, Luk.14.27.esv)

In Fellowship, one says, "We love to hear the Word of GOD, because He has set us free!"
In Discipleship, one says, "I love to do what the Word of GOD says, because it can set those who were walking "in the Way" with me, free!"

     So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed in him, "If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (Jesus, Jhn.8.31-32.esv)

In Fellowship, one says, "We came together, having so much in common, to worship the LORD and to edify fellow believers."
In Discipleship, one says, "I set out, apart from the comfort of my group, and went to my brother (or sister) because they had a need for encouragement and were in want."

     "And all who believed were together and had all things in common." (Luke, Act.2.44.esv)

     "Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common." (Luke, Act.4.32.esv)

In Fellowship, one says, "We pray for each other, lifting our prayers up, together, to GOD."
In Discipleship, one says, "I got to know you well enough to pray for you the moment you voiced it, grieved with you in the darkest hour, and genuinely rejoiced when He delivered you from within these circumstances."

     "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." (James, half brother of Jesus; Jam.5.16.esv)

Fellowship requires the follow-on of Discipleship. Discipleship requires some basis of Fellowship to be effective. So, the questions beg...

Do you merely want Fellowship; or, are you needing Discipleship? And, are you at a place (or in a position) to disciple others? Ready to jump "ship" or to "board"? MMLIA

I'm Not An Island... I'm A Continent

The late English clergyman and poet, John Donne (1572-1631) was attributed the following quote from of one of his works on meditation, as saying...

"No man is an Island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the Continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friends or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee."

There - you learned something today. You might want to sit down if the room's spinning on you - can only take SO much enlightenment at one time, eh?

Not As Strong As We Think We Are

Saw someone today I hadn't seen in a while - and when I say "seen" I don't mean via Facebook... I mean "seen" without the assistance of this "bane-and-blessing" known as technology.

It heartens me when these folks take the ferry from their "Island" (either by choice of His design) - conversely, what disheartens me is that there are many out there that want to be proverbial "Islands".

Everybody needs help, from headaches to hangovers, from splinters to (heart) splints, from callouses to cancer - if it weren't so, you wouldn't ever be in dire straits.

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him." (Gen.2.18.esv)

Double the Work Versus Half A Care?

Do we dare jump off our "Island" - leaping headlong or feet first?

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him--a threefold cord is not quickly broken. (Eccl.4.9-12.esv)

Hello? This was written by one of the most (if not THE most) DEPRESSED individuals in The Bible. And, if he realized this... what's our excuse when we throw ourselves back into the briar patch (if you don't understand the reference, Google it)? His highness was brought low, even on an "Island" of fame, fortune and glory.

Having X-Ray Vision

Time wanes on - both on-and-off our "Island"; but we don't. Just because I use to act like Superman, looked like Superman (try to hold the chuckle in, will ya'), didn't make me Superman... I'm mortal enough to know (now) that although everything still "works", some things "hurt" when they do (LOL).

And getting together (fellowship) ain't the same as getting to know you, getting to know all about you... getting to like you, getting to hope you like me (kudos to R&H). That would be an honest, open and transparent discipleship going on there, boys and girls - no secret identities (a.k.a. masks), being the same in both public and in private!

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. (Heb.10.24-25.esv)

Damaged Goods or Good-n-Damaged?

People act like that don't want the very thing which you ain't caught. Oh, it's always more comfortable to keep folks at arms-length by bugging out for our "Islands"... why let those Christians get close, they'll only see everything about us and we'll get hurt.

Like any of our family members EVER hurt us before, right? It's true, those who know us best wound us deepest. They find the buttons... and press them.

They paint a big ole bullseye on the back of our heads, get a bead on us and then KA-POW, right?

Sorry, not everyone who says they ARE concerned are concerned with injuring you. But, we need to take the first step and lay that vulnerable side out there. Just know that in the vulnerability, something sacred is grown... a Continent (1Cr 12:20-26.esv). MMLIA

Things Scribbled on a Receipt

Sat down and ate breakfast this morning - with a lot on my mind; so, I jotted down some thoughts about the "human condition" - e.g. inside a church. What I came up with was more questions that I'd care to shake the proverbial stick at - what my "take away" was included answers and some more unanswered questions through Scripture...

As a church, how do we edify each other?  And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works... (Heb.10.24.esv)

Do we really want fellowship without discipleship?  And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. (Act.2.42.esv)

Are we concerned about those whom we do not know as well within our church body, and let them know they're missed when not here?  My brothers, show no partiality as you hold the faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory. (Jam.2.1.esv)

Do we really desire to walk this journey with fellow believers who know us well enough to correct us, challenge us and love us (sometimes) despite ourselves?  But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. (1Jo.1.7.esv)

Within our body of believers, where is our desire to "be transparent and to "broker some openness"? Now the full number of those who believed were of one heart and soul, and no one said that any of the things that belonged to him was his own, but they had everything in common. (Act.4.32.esv)

If followed around for a week, would we be found to be the same person we are at church as we might be at home, at school or at work?  Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. (Eph.4.25.esv)

Have we emptied ourselves into the lives of our brothers and sisters in Christ?  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Phl.2.4.esv)
Why is it easier to share our difficulties with complete strangers, whom we can comfortably keep at arm's length, versus those who want to know us?  Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. (Jam.5.16.esv)

Thoughts, ideas, suggestions? MMLIA

 

Grown Apart, Thrust Back Together

Crisis brings out the extremes in people - both good and bad. I wrestled with even writing this post - but did so, not fully aware of what the fallout may be.

In as much as I'd like to think what a upcoming situation will look like (in my sanctified imagination), reality shows up like the you-know-what-it-is and pops me in the back of the head with reckless abandon. Once my proverbial vision clears, I have to start the art of scanning the room for adversaries and discounting the handicaps I find within the room through the filters I apply.

Old wounds and new egos...

My early years, specifically those before Christ, were not the best years of my life (regrettably). Not only did I "go through the motions" with liturgical Christianity, I had a skewed version of what "normal" was - and when you add siblings to the mix, well... there was ample opportunity to shift blame, manipulate and hurt others for the protection of yourself, to vent one's frustrations or to get over on one's parents easy.

Fast forward thirty plus years and we all become products of our environments (both past and present). What we experienced then, shapes us today. We can take our wounds, bandage them and learn or continue licking the wound(s), keeping it fresh and moist to have it temper our lives... usually not for the better. These experiences usually affect how we deal with those in-and-outside-of the family. It's been my sad lot to see this play out in the lives of those I love.

I didn't walk in the hospital today with a proverbial ax to grind; but, I did get a sense that there was some downed limbs in the yard of someone else that I was having to step over to get to the other side.

Empathy versus sympathy...

I understand no one truly knows how anyone else around us feels (exactly). Far be it from me to "know" what my mother feels seeing her husband unconscious on a hospital gurney; or, how any other family member wishing to portray (on the outside) to the rest of us how they "got it all together" is really spazzing on the inside. Granted, I'm no mind-reader - but that goes both ways.

I empathize because I understand the feelings of helplessness, futility and isolation as I watch the strongest man in my life quelled by a simple thing like anesthesia, seeing him unconscious and wondering, "Is he going to be alright?" It's very much (genuinely) internalized. I will graciously give a "pass" to those who talked back to me today, talked above me and even talked as if I was not in the same room because emotions were running "high" today.

Sympathy is the man looking down into the hole in which the other man fell and shakes his head as he hurries by. Empathy is the one who crawls down there with him, rope in hand, ready to assist in a humble manner.

From the outside looking in...

Part of a mother's nature is to "protect her young" - I've come to realize that mantra never ages, even though her children do. There were times today when I was convinced that my mom wanted to bear the brunt of the shock of the events first, before allowing her son to succumb to the ill-affects of any news. Admirable, if I was 12 and grew up in a perfect home.

Arriving when we did to the hospital, and playing "catch-up" (in a sense) with some small bits of information that I didn't already have, combined with the realization that (as events unfolded) I was back on the elementary school playground... and the game was "keep away"... and I was the one in the middle. It was as if "spectator" was an honorific title bestowed upon me way before I arrived... or they thought I was still 12.

Perhaps the reason many of us feel like we're on the outside looking in is due to someone shutting the front door as we're wiping our feet to come inside?

One family, many roles...

Being raised in a matriarchal household afforded me much to resent and much to be thankful for - let me explain this duality.

First, the resentment - I saw my mother as the only one able to wield power - both to punish and reward... I did not view her as the "nurturer". Because of her own upbringing, I lived out the legacy which had been handed down to her, by many generations of godless patriarchs. And, in that framework, I became aware later (as a young adult) that her parenting style did not afford "males" a favorable position within our home.

Secondly, the thankfulness part - it afforded me "starting point" to go off of. When I got married and had my own children, I had already learned what not to do; so, my wife and I began with the balances of our own experiences and resolved to:

1. love both children unconditionally, even when anger could dictate otherwise
2. treat both children as equals to each other, gender aside
3. never punish in anger
4. allow punishment to fit the crime, per se
5. never put off punishment with "wait till we get home" or "wait till your father gets home"
6. allow our children to suffer "safe" effects of "less than stellar" decision-making
7. live out our lives - warts and all - the same way at home, as in church

Now, that doesn't mean we raised "perfect" children; but, I'm hoping that they have had a better childhood than I and my brother and even my sister. Now, to her credit, I have long-since reconciled with my mom - and her role today is not so much so that of matriarch, but of an adviser, a sage and a mother.

Discounted experiences don't sell well here...

Education and wisdom are entirely two separate things - I believe I covered this on my "Well Isn't That Special" post back in May 2012.

Perhaps in the larger clinical discussions I was not solicited for input - whereas others were and/or freely offered it - because (either) of the lack of alphabet soup behind my name or a serious effort not to get to know me. After all, what do I know, right?

I mean, just because you work at a major health insurer for eight years, supervise medical personnel, deal with PHI, review medical records, discuss behavioral health diagnoses with doctors at work, heed the advice of your pharmacist-father for the better part of your adult life, etc. etc... doesn't mean jack, right? Whoopsie, I sorta discounted the second excuse, didn't I?

GOD is God, denominations be danged...

Praying - oh my. Today was downright hilarious in this sense. No, I'm not being disrespectful here; but, the stylized habits some of us subscribe to if we do pray - that's awkwardness to the nth degree, and possibly worth the price of admission.

We prayed twice today (corporately) for my dad. Most held hands... a few did not. In fact, when I attempted to "continue the circle" with one to my left, they acted as if I was a zombie and jerked suddenly backwards. However, in their defense, they were liturgical in their church choice, somewhat liberal in holding to social norms, thought a little too highly of themselves than they should and (albeit unverifiable) probably not saved. Hope they never want to get prayed for in the future if they find themselves in a room full of evangelicals who are true believers. LOL

Lessons learned...

Although we truly see the measure of folks' character when they're stressed-and-pressed, we should see some evidence of Jesus there too, if we proclaim Christ. I pray that they did in me - even if a small bit - as I am not the man I once was, praise be to GOD. MMLIA

Restoring the Shape of the Dropped Ball

Dorothy 1993

After fetching my eldest from the clutches of Mississippi - just kidding - and returning her safely to the nest today... despite the state of Alabama's exceedingly slow timetable for interstate "improvements", Georgia's rains and South Carolina's rush hour(s)... I gathered my thoughts across the last 30 days.

There's been a lot transpiring in my home, at work, in our church and even within the respective camps which have had the benefit of my daughters' cumulative experiences to employ for youth ministry. And, considering the tempo of activities and efforts here-and-there, I have taken a few moments to ask myself,

"What more could I have done that might've effected a better outcome?"

Now, I'll be the FIRST person to tell you that I haven't "arrived" (my wife, will be a very close "second"... but, sometimes she's "first" - especially when I ain't looking). I tend to play the role of "Monday morning armchair quarterback" and over-analyze things to death. I believe - to some degree - this is hard-wired into most men; and, although not a "geek" per se, I do find myself grouped in that gaggle.

When I was much, much younger (and lighter), I was real quick to attack the offender (or get mad at myself when it was me) as anyone who dropped the proverbial "ball" made life tough for the entire group (i.e. my teammates in football, my cohorts in combat arms, other analysts at my insurance job, etc.). Getting "bent outta shape" was just something I did... too well.

So, in the interim... life lessons come-and-go, people die, tears are shed, companies lose money, people are offended, yada, yada, yada.

So, over time, I've found it a tad more fruitful to shift the focus from "blame" to "recovery". Then, given that I control no one's thoughts, motivations and actions other than my own, I asked myself two questions, one...

"What do I need to do?"

Well, whether the Holy Scripture is your guide, or not, none can argue with the ethic it presents:

"[Employees] are to be submissive to their own [employers] in everything; they are to be well-pleasing, not argumentative, not pilfering, but showing all good faith, so that in everything they may adorn the doctrine of God our Savior." (Tts.2.9-10.esv)

Okay, simple enough (BTW: pilfering is "stealing") And, secondly...

"What do I do when others don't, can't or won't?"  

Yeah, here's the "rub"... before answering THAT one, I have to "assume" (yeah, I know what happens when we "assume"...) that either I'm going to hold fast to one set of tenets to guide every facet of my life (e.g. the Holy Scriptures) or I employ "situational ethics" - that is to "tailor" the situation according to the outcome I desire. By the way, I choose the former, not the latter.

Therefore, I have (lately) been taking the "restoring and rehabilitation" approach to dealing with organizational deficiencies. For example, I ask myself (only because these have ACTUALLY happened)..

When IT doesn't communicate and deliver updates to requested reports requested, I...

When HR doesn't get a personnel action loaded into the applicable payroll cycle, I...

When someone outside your "food chain" doesn't provide me a piece of data that senior leadership needed, I...

When someone tells you to pick them up at a certain time and you wind up waiting, I...

When a friend says they'll do something for me and forgets, I...

In my reactions, do I consider other Scripture?

"Finally, brothers, rejoice. Aim for restoration, comfort one another, agree with one another, live in peace; and the God of love and peace will be with you." (2Cr.2.11.esv)

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear." (Eph.4.29.esv)

That is not to say that it must be done in a hyper-sensitive nature, skirting around the issue entirely; but, on the opposite end of the spectrum, it shouldn't be done in a cold, calculated unloving manner either... even if we're "right". Our LORD Jesus was a very balanced person - being both Man and GOD - and gave us examples of how to deal with "difficult situations" and/or "difficult people".

So, what happens AFTERWARDS? Do we give the ball-carrier another opportunity to run it into the "end zone"? Do we scoop up the mistake, own it, attempting to do it ourselves - becoming either "savior" or "martyr" in the process?

Wish there was an easy answer. But, I offer this for the moment...

Just because something "falls through the cracks" doesn't mean we have the obligation to repair/remedy it. It might not have needed to be undertaken in the first place; or, simply, some things have to fall apart before the lesson can be learned in order for it to be built stronger. MMLIA

Southern Convention - Come to Order

By convention, things in the South are slow to change. Amen and amen.

However, that's a blade that cuts both ways... and I know ALL about cutting oneself (rabbit trail: just because it says "Safety Razor" doesn't mean it is - as the beagle bays at the child gate, quite certain that I have inflicted a series of mortal wounds to my face).

On one hand, the pace at which things change in the South usually means that the sense and sensibility of day-to-day convention is not lost on those dealing with us Southerners. Making a deal where both parties could - for all intents and purposes - ratify with a handshake, nowadays, takes a lawyer (another blog, for sure - sorry Johnny - love you, Cus).

And then, on the other hand, it reinforces several stereotypes about "Southerners" altogether: beat-up trucks, hound dogs, guns, wearing ball caps, using antiquated terms (i.e. honey, dear, sweetie, sugar, ma'am, sir, etc.) and taking worship to a whole new level (e.g. by putting on our best and arriving early, ready to cheer... never mind, that's another blog). Yes, I meant to be facetious - that and sarcasm are the two distinct dialects of the English language in our culture.

Now, I could tout ALL the wondrous reasons why being, living and breathing in the South (humidity aside, cough... cough) are leaps and bounds better than life in a gob of other places where one may hang one's proverbial hat - but, I won't. Instead, fix your gaze on the following - my top three pet peeves regarding "Southern Convention":


"I'll be there if I can."

Okay, if I had a dollar for every time I heard THAT one tossed out - like a "stupid grenade" - I'd be able to buy the buses that K-12 education needs in this state (Education Lottery blog on the horizon folks, stay tuned). Part of me wants to say, "If you can WHAT - tell time, have nothing else more interesting to do, have a normal bowel movement?" What happened to folks who had the presence of mind to write down events on a paper calendar? Who moved other "wishful" things on/off the calendar date(s) to accommodate things that REALLY matter? Some things to consider the next time you feel compelled to offer up that patent answer...

"But above all, my Brothers, do not swear, either by heaven or by earth... but let your 'yes' be yes and your 'no' be no, so that you may not fall under condemnation." (Jas.5.12.esv)

"Do or do not. There is no try." (Yoda, Star Wars Episode 5, 1980)

 
"Oh, just bless their heart."

Really? That "code" has been broken for a while now and yet I STILL hear it batted around - and most using this colloquialism aren't Christians taking prayer requests, my Brothers and Sisters. Knowhutahmean, Vern? Let's all say what this really means, all together know... "The speaker thinks this person is an idiot." Daddy always told me that you shouldn't be surprised what you catch, given the bait you use. In this regard, it baits others to enjoin in gossip. Yep, I said it... just laid it flat-on-out-there: GOSSIP. Good rule-of-thumb: if they're telling you about someone who's not in the room... what happens when you leave the room? Hmm. How about concentrating to be a bit more "positive and family-friendly"...

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." (Heb.10.24-25.esv)

"People always mean well. They cluck their thick tongues, and shake their heads and suggest, oh, so very delicately!" (Norman Bates, Psycho, 1960)


"You know how they are - they didn't mean anything by it."

That's a load... of bricks. A load of bricks dropped from the second story window on the unsuspecting victim's head, figuratively of course. This heinous example of rudeness is either demonstrated by or towards a Southerner. The take away - for my friends who are "mathematically challenged", paints a picture (you're welcome, Sarrah) where the recipient (victim) should be the one apologizing to the brick-layer. So, which is it - "high road" or "low road"?

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. " (Eph.4.29.esv)

Sarah: You're the Goblin King! I want my brother back, please, if it's all the same.
Jareth: What's said is said.
Sarah: But, I didn't mean it.
Jareth: Oh, you didn't?  (Labyrinth, 1986)


We have First Amendment rights granted by the Constitutional Convention - that's a given if you're a citizen of these "United States" - so there's really no changing what people can or cannot say (for the most part anyways...  I acknowledge that shouting "Hi, Jack!" in the airport terminal would not be the most clever use of my afternoon in a security office, but I digress).

Magic wands and wispy potions of coercion aside - if I could have the LORD grant one last request right up before this shell is vacated, it be that everyone had to be honest, open and transparent for one month. Can you imagine what would happen in the General Assembly and up yonder in Washington D.C. (a.k.a. "Castle Conundrum" or "the Puzzle Palace")?

I now declare this convention is adjourned. MMLIA