I Ain't Singing

I use to get in to SO much trouble in school whenever it afforded me an opportunity to "journal", write poetry, or entertain my classmates - especially in "chorus". Two of my specific "gifts" in the realm of music were...

1) singing falsetto, behind the altos practicing their respective part and flatting random notes so they'd have to do it again-and-again;
2) parodying anything we were singing

So, suffice it to say, Christmastime in public school was fodder for my hyper-creative mind. Here's a sampling of things I've written over the years...

"Up on the Housetop":

"Up on the sidewalk, breaking laws
Drives a gin-soaked Santa Claus
Careening amongst the girls and boys
All four wheels lock, hear the noise

Uh-oh, no - wouldn't go slow
Uh-oh, no - even in snow (oh)
On the scene, the coroner's quick
The cops have arrested Ole Saint Nick"

Another favorite... "The Christmas Song":

"Beer nuts open near a toasty fire
Your dog lickin' 'tween my toes
"Roll Tide" towel being draped o'er a tire
An' jokes 'bout Ding Dongs and Ho-Ho's

Everybody knows a turkey like my Uncle Moe
Helps to forget my Cousin Mike (on a)
Tiny cot, as he sits on Death Row,
Finding it hard to sleep tonight"

And, who could forget... "Frosty the Snowman":

"Freddy, the Mailman was a sad, demented soul
With a fright of dogs and a bad left knee 
He went out in to the snow

Freddy, the Mailman is a scardy cat they say
As he walked his route, all the children shout, 
"Cujo will bite you here one day"

There must've been some tragic signs that Freddy did not see
For when he saw the Saint Bernard
He fell and broke his knee..."

And, finally, an old time favorite... "White Christmas":

"I'm screaming for a debt-less Christmas
Just like the ones Dad didn't owe
Where the toys weren't costly
And charge cards low fees
Had Mom's jewelry out of hock by June"

Merry Christmas, y'all! MMLIA