You Can't Make This Stuff Up

Poignant moment this afternoon...
The wifey works with blind co-workers. She happened to see one of these delightful ladies board the bus prior to hopping in the car with me. As the bus (and our car) seem to be heading in the same direction, she rolls down her window and waves at her blind friend sitting beside the window seat on her side of our car. I wanted to crawl under my seat - well, maybe just a little bit.

Earlier today...
I told the beagle to go to her cage (as we were leaving for the workday). Her name is "Mustard" - no, the poodle's name isn't "Ketchup", we were merely going down the spice rack. Apparently this hound has a stellar grasp of prepositions - as she went "to" the cage but did not go "in" the cage. Guess the Mustard wasn't flowing as well as we'd hoped.

This past Monday...
I'm trying to get the pups squared away, put the food out on the deck, water (check) and go searching for the leads (a.k.a. leashes) whilst yonder dogs bark-and-bay (loudly, wanting out). I was NOT walking in the Spirit by the time I found them, realized that the reason the leads were beside the "other" door was because the "man of the house" decided over the weekend that we would be taking the pups out THAT door. I sheepishly apologized to my wife.

 
Last month...
When I went to "Wally World" and purchased a DVD, I decided to do the whole "self scan" thing - figuring I'd save time. So, after a couple of taps on the touchscreen, bagged my item, showed the cashier/jockey my receipt, passed the greeter... and set off the alarm. So, after going back two MORE times - and noticing folks who weren't even in line at some of the OTHER (read: normal) check-out lines leaving the store BEFORE me... I get the permission of Der Commissar to proceed with my guilt-ridden purchase, walking out feeling like "public enemy number one".

Earlier this year...

When our work office moved just north of the city, I took the opportunity to setup a co-worker for a practical joke. Most of the buildings were older than my father and use to "house" people. So, after walking about with two of my co-workers, I turn to the "mark" and point up to the third floor window, asking her, "Hey - did you see that, looked like a woman wearing a housecoat staring down here at us." Fast forward one week. I sneak in to the work area, after coming back from lunch, sit down outside her office and intermittently start tapping on the drywall. When she stops talking on the phone, I stop - when she resumes, so do I. Then I hear her say, "Let me call you back, I don't know what's going on in here." She comes around the corner and I tactfully introduce her heart to her tonsils (classic).

Couple of Halloween's ago...
My wifey had a marvelous notion to buy a fake, brown, wire-and-Styrofoam, four foot wide (legs) spider for our house. Not to be outdone, she wanted it to scare our eldest with it - who is near-deathly afraid of them. So-o, her younger sister gets wind of the freakish ambush awaiting her sibling and places a video camera in the closet, where I placed said arachnid (yep, I cow-towed and joined the hooligans). So-o, as you might've guessed, all went according to plan. Yep, our eldest opens the closet door and (yep) she freaks HARD - caught on camera, and, yep... if I wasn't a Christian, I'd definitely know WHY I was going to Hell after that one. MMLIA