Hello? Customer No-Service?

Go stand in line just about anywhere and you've automatically subjected yourself to the "customer service experience". Sounds like something you'd avoid, right?

No? Well, maybe you're on drugs. Just because a tangible line is not what you're accustomed to doesn't mean the masses, waiting to speak with a customer service representative, cannot relate. Unfortunately, it  seems, to be just the ticket for what sets us "over the top".

Being queued up like some cattle about to be branded or butchered when all you're doing is trying to accomplish something in your day is a bit dehumanizing.

It can be likened unto a good starting argument to sign-off on the idea of purgatory.

None the less, we all wind up waiting on someone for something, don't we?

I am at the age-and-stage in my life that I understand the demographic (now) rendering what I like to call "customer no-service". After all, I'd like to think I did a semi-decent job of raising two non-conformists from that generation.

It's not "customer no-service" from the standpoint of them not wanting to meet our desires for that particular moment, in as much as it is more so the uncanny ability of those in these positions to go to great lengths to either "not deliver" or explain why we cannot have what we ask for.

Case and point... Verizon

I wanted to simply figure out what to do to replace a cell phone that recently broke. This is not the entire transcript, just highlights:

E: Hello. Thank you for visiting Verizon Chat services. My name is E. How may I assist you today? I'd be happy to assist you.
You: My daughter's phone on my plan is inoperable. That phone's eligible for upgrade in November. If I replace it now, does a new 2 year agreement start?
E.: No if you purchase a phone without an upgrade it will charge you full retail price for the phone.

Alright, pausing here... she is not delivering on my question - read on:

You: If I understand you correctly... If I have to purchase a replacement Verizon phone for her line on my plan, I can either NOT choose the upgrade and pay full retail price OR choose to upgrade and pay the price with 2-year contract with that new 2-year contract starting now instead of November? Correct?
E: You can choose the upgrade but it will have you pay full retail price. You can add a line and then get 2 year contract and the phone at a discount price.

Again, she's not processing the question, just shy of trying to explain why I cannot have what I'm asking for - read on:

You: Let me see if I can simplify my question...
You: ...if I have a family plan with four lines
You: ...and one of those four phones malfunctioned(she interrupts)
E: If you have insurance on the phone you can turn it in and get a new phone.
(I resume phrasing the question)
You: ...but that phone is not eligible for a discount before November
You: and I do not have insurance on that phone.

Ooo, pet peeve of mine - let me chat, talk, communicate, grrr - read on:

You: I have to pay full retail price for another phone unless I add ANOTHER line to my four-person, four-phone plan?
E: If I may ask are any of the other phones eligible for an upgrade at this time?
E: If you transfer upgrades the person that you are taking the upgrade from can get the upgrade date that is in November.
You: Are you saying that if there is one phone on my plan that is eligible for a discount to upgrade the device... they can swap or switch with the phone that is eligible in November?
E: No. If you would like I can walk you through on where to find out if there is one available.

Excuse me? Beginning to think this one's suffering from a split personality - read on:

You: I know that there in fact is one that is eligible. The problem is that it is not the phone which malfunctioned. If I can switch (or swap) one phone's eligibility for another, would you please tell me yes or no?
E: Yes. If you would please log in as the account owner and I will walk you through on how to swap it.

Okay - got her, she said "Yes"; but at this point (nearing the half hour mark) I'm not totally comfortable with trusting her with even simple math at this point - read on:

You: I think I will take the phone to a Verizon store - and do everything there, as she has much data on the phone which will need to be transferred anyway.
E: I understand.

So, I tried to "be nice" and make her day "easier" (poor thing) and she took the bait.


~RNS

What Started It All

Is my life "average"?

Well, I was thinking... if I was a radioactive isotope, I could say "My Half-Life is Average"; but, since I'm many "stones" and many "strands of wisdom" past youth and inexperience, perhaps it should be said that "My Mid-Life Is Average"?

My Axioms

1) I proceeded to tell my youngest daughter, "Let me paint you a picture...", to which she replied, "no, no, no Dad, no painting pictures in this part of the house." - My Mid-Life is Average

2) My oldest daughter (yet again) rolled her eyes at me and said, "Dad, that's not funny." She was further put-out at my less-than-stellar response of, "Maybe over there, but from where I'm standing - it's hilarious." - My Mid-Life is Average

3) The last time we walked into a local restaurant where we had gotten to be known - not only by face, but by what we had previously ordered - I requested a different menu item just so I could "win". - My Mid-Life is Average

4) Over the course of the last three weeks, instead of flicking my high-beams at on-coming vehicles who had theirs on, I chose (instead) to blow the horn and swerve a little... wife knew better than to comment about how weak that was. ` My Mid-Life is Average

5) Given how crafty telemarketers are getting... I assign their numbers to "Satan". Sunday, during church, Pastor heard my phone ring at 11:53 p.m.. Mortified, I checked it - a telemarketer. Pastor quickly commented in the middle of his sermon, "You better get that, that might be GOD calling... oh, wait a minute, He don't have your number." Come to find out he was more right than he thought - My Mid-Life is Average

6) Not to say that my time awake is any less busy than it was the same time last year; but, I have since started getting a lot more accomplished by working on all sorts of problems/solutions in-between my dreams, while asleep of course. - My Mid-Life is Average


~RNS, originally posted Monday, January 18, 2010 at 7:41pm

Dinosaurs That Didn't Make the Cut

Aedidiosaurus... excited predator which eventually starved to death due to its inability to focus on one prey at a time; possessing the attention span of a prehistoric firefly (fire-breathing insects with four foot wingspans, a distant cousin)

Agoraphobiadon... timid, introverted dinosaur quickly died off, as scores of hatch-lings died of shock and sensory overload after leaving the safety of its nest.

Brachsosaurus... one of two dinosaurs whose sweet chocolaty flesh was highly sought after by carnivores - the other being the Samplerosaurus; habitat: Candy Mountain

Itchyosaurus... omnivore; earliest of all extinct dinosaurs; purported to pretend to have a rash to scare off predators... didn't work against the infamous Schollsasorus Rex, M.D.

Megaballosaurus... opportunistic eater; this dinosaur fought with such tenacity that it's opponent had odds of winning 1 out of 175,230,313

Moronosaurus... feebly minded carnivore whose only documented fossilized remains included  eight white egg-shaped smooth stones in a bed of petrified straw

Nomnomadon... zombie dinosaur (if I have to explain it, you're too old)

Stegoboreus... terrible lizard whose vocal patterns incite sleep, zoning and coma before sucumbing and being eaten alive, sort of

Triseveraltops... vain and shallow herbivore which spent much of it's time grooming itself near reflecting pools and picking flowers for its horns than eating... and subsequently died off to fit a pair of skinny jeans









~RNS, yeah I had some time to kill (once)

Bury Me With Soldiers

I've had a lot of roles in life
I've met a lot of men
I've done some things
(I'd like to think)
I'd never do again

And though I'm young
I'm old enough to know
Someday I'll die
And though I'm sure of the hope I know
Beside whom would I lie?

I know it doesn't matter much
Still, if I had my choice
I'd want a spot near soldiers
When (at last) death stills my voice

And I don't want lengthy eulogies
Or lectures from 'the wise' -
I'll gladly lay alongside those
Who faced the guns and died

See, the Joes I knew were typical...
They didn't thirst for war
They served because their fathers had,
As their father's had before

Yeah, they killed, they cursed and cried
(Lord knows they were easy to deride)
But bury me with such as these
Throughout the countryside

It's strange when you reckon it -
How we all just got along
We came from different worlds
To serve in one with battle song

And we didn't even like each other
And with that, they'd all agree
Yet I would give my life for them
As some I knew did for me

So, bury me with soldiers
Though, at times, maligned they be
Yes, bury me with soldiers
For I miss their company

So prepare to see more soldiers, friends
Marching to and from our wars
Serving, fighting and finally reporting
To the Commander, Christ, our Lord

~RNS, revised 2003, 2010 and 2012 (original author unknown)

Don't Try This at Home Or On the Sidewalk

If you're like me - perish the thought - then, perhaps, you've caught yourself...

...wondering why people who spend over $20,000 for a car can't afford a turn signal.

...wishing you weren't the only one who (almost) does damage to their vehicle just to get out of the way of the ambulance... and all the other people who could care less... until they are the ones in the back of it, on life-support.

...rolling your windows up when the 'hero' in the 'thump, thump' machine in the next lane pulls up next to you... praying he'll get the hint... but, it usually has the opposite affect.

...turning the radio off/down when you're lost... hoping that you'll 'hear' your way in the right direction.

...keeping proper distance between you and the vehicle ahead of you... but some people treat it like an invitation from you and half of the county to see how many cars can pull in front of you before you turn off this road, onto another.

...wishing that truckers would not presume to play 'chicken' with your graces, as they see you coming and think nothing of going slower than my mother in turning around or pulling out onto a major thoroughfare.

...not believing how many people, since the federal election, feel freer to give you the middle finger or honk at you... when you don't drive at or 10 miles above the speed limit, while in the right lane (note: did not say LEFT).

...feeling confused as to why people approaching you - at night - leave their high-beams on, even after you flick yours three times - that is, until you blow your horn and start weaving in and out of your lane

...not that I have tried such things... with my wife in the car.