At work, I have this uncanny knack (gift, really) of delivering what I promise. Yeah, yeah, yeah - I know, must be a character flaw or something. Chuckling and snorting aside, the REAL problem is more clearly divined when the expectation I create in the minds of others is not fleshed out in the hands-and-feet of others.
Seems like - for the sake of expediency - that professionalism is offered upon the altar of business as a shortcut-sacrifice. Why can't people be professional? Or, better yet, why can't people keep their word. Horton (the Elephant) had it right...
I mean, why can't people - I don't know - possibly for spits and giggles - tell the truth? Wouldn't that be refreshing? Imagine... being told over the phone that the surveys you needed loaded to the Internet website A.S.A.P. were going to be loaded next week instead, and (adding insult to injury) being told this after she drops a query in your lap which she needs A.S.A.P.? Talk about cognitive dissonance!
Truth is so overrated... If I could wave the proverbial "magic wand" and make certain phrases, certain conventions disappear, these would be the ones:
The Seven Depressing Sins at the Workplace
1) "I'll have it for you first thing in the morning." ~ First off... my morning starts at 5:15 a.m., when I proactively (and with great emotional strain) ignore my two alarms. Secondly, I report to the office sometime between 7:10 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. - one of the faithful (foolish?) few found floundering for fixes to final forgotten forms from the day 'fore. And, lastly, unless you are my employee (and, most of those promising me this aren't), why should you acquiesce to my request?
2) "We only need a minute of your time." ~ If klaxons and red light 1960's plastic panels aren't flashing as your office buckles under the throes of photon torpedoes... uh, belay that metaphor, hard to port, full impulse... I know it's "understood" that nothing is truly going to take merely 60 seconds of my overrated time; but, just once, I'd like to pull out the minute (hour) glass from a Boggle game, flip the empty-end down and shout "GO!"
3) "Let me know if there's anything else you need." ~ This ranks up there with the waitress at everyone's favorite dive taking a dive into oblivion when you need her the most (i.e. someone technicolor-yawns on the table top, inverts their full glass of water on a paper coaster after leaving the tip in it, etc.). The best way to circumvent getting left in the void of your panic is to ask them then-and-there while you're thinking about it... before they escape.
4) "I'll pray for you." ~ Now, you might be saying, "Ralph, that there's for church." My dear, deceived, naive one (bwa-ha, ha, ha)... you are in the South, friend. And, in the South, we don't need four stained-glass walls or Facebook to promise the moon-and-the-stars - we can do this at work, too! See my other post "Southern Convention"
5) "Could you do me just one favor?" ~ Being a literal-minded middle-aged man, I "see" words. My first (albeit, irresistible) reaction would be to say, "Yeah, I COULD." so as to elicit the proper word (e.g. Would); but, I'd probably be more predisposed to counter with "Only one? Is this going to be the LAST one?" Instead, I pull my pulse down past my pupils and politely present a "I'll see what I can do - what is it?" And, no, my friends, it never ends. It's a hole with no bottom.
6) "I didn't receive it." ~ I use to know this one gal at work who'd always volunteer this patent answer, as if it was "fire insurance" she bought on her way to Hell - never could figure her out. Invariably, it would always "miraculously" wind up in her INBOX. How did I get her to "come 'round", you ask? Why, by simply asking her the same question (again) via e-mail... and copying her boss.
7) "Listen, you need to..." ~ Direction, purpose and the global view are all things I don't mind being "told" to me. How to balance my budget, make other functional areas (e.g. IT, procurement, HR, et al) do their jobs (or do their tasks for them)... entirely another matter altogether. If you're a RESOURCE, then BE all that you can be... just don't be my SUPERVISOR in the process... already got one... and you can't have him! Just don't presume to be in my chain-of-command (read: food chain) when it suits your preferences because you're too gun-shy about rectifying a bad communication issue - that didn't involve me to begin with - in the other functional area. Work it out, Ice, work it out.
Guess I shared all that to say this... If wishing and hoping filled up my hands, I wouldn't be able to get my work done. So, LORD help those who think they're helping me realize they need help, too. MMLIA
Seems like - for the sake of expediency - that professionalism is offered upon the altar of business as a shortcut-sacrifice. Why can't people be professional? Or, better yet, why can't people keep their word. Horton (the Elephant) had it right...
I mean, why can't people - I don't know - possibly for spits and giggles - tell the truth? Wouldn't that be refreshing? Imagine... being told over the phone that the surveys you needed loaded to the Internet website A.S.A.P. were going to be loaded next week instead, and (adding insult to injury) being told this after she drops a query in your lap which she needs A.S.A.P.? Talk about cognitive dissonance!
Truth is so overrated... If I could wave the proverbial "magic wand" and make certain phrases, certain conventions disappear, these would be the ones:The Seven Depressing Sins at the Workplace
1) "I'll have it for you first thing in the morning." ~ First off... my morning starts at 5:15 a.m., when I proactively (and with great emotional strain) ignore my two alarms. Secondly, I report to the office sometime between 7:10 a.m. and 7:30 a.m. - one of the faithful (foolish?) few found floundering for fixes to final forgotten forms from the day 'fore. And, lastly, unless you are my employee (and, most of those promising me this aren't), why should you acquiesce to my request?
2) "We only need a minute of your time." ~ If klaxons and red light 1960's plastic panels aren't flashing as your office buckles under the throes of photon torpedoes... uh, belay that metaphor, hard to port, full impulse... I know it's "understood" that nothing is truly going to take merely 60 seconds of my overrated time; but, just once, I'd like to pull out the minute (hour) glass from a Boggle game, flip the empty-end down and shout "GO!"
3) "Let me know if there's anything else you need." ~ This ranks up there with the waitress at everyone's favorite dive taking a dive into oblivion when you need her the most (i.e. someone technicolor-yawns on the table top, inverts their full glass of water on a paper coaster after leaving the tip in it, etc.). The best way to circumvent getting left in the void of your panic is to ask them then-and-there while you're thinking about it... before they escape.
4) "I'll pray for you." ~ Now, you might be saying, "Ralph, that there's for church." My dear, deceived, naive one (bwa-ha, ha, ha)... you are in the South, friend. And, in the South, we don't need four stained-glass walls or Facebook to promise the moon-and-the-stars - we can do this at work, too! See my other post "Southern Convention"
5) "Could you do me just one favor?" ~ Being a literal-minded middle-aged man, I "see" words. My first (albeit, irresistible) reaction would be to say, "Yeah, I COULD." so as to elicit the proper word (e.g. Would); but, I'd probably be more predisposed to counter with "Only one? Is this going to be the LAST one?" Instead, I pull my pulse down past my pupils and politely present a "I'll see what I can do - what is it?" And, no, my friends, it never ends. It's a hole with no bottom.
6) "I didn't receive it." ~ I use to know this one gal at work who'd always volunteer this patent answer, as if it was "fire insurance" she bought on her way to Hell - never could figure her out. Invariably, it would always "miraculously" wind up in her INBOX. How did I get her to "come 'round", you ask? Why, by simply asking her the same question (again) via e-mail... and copying her boss.
7) "Listen, you need to..." ~ Direction, purpose and the global view are all things I don't mind being "told" to me. How to balance my budget, make other functional areas (e.g. IT, procurement, HR, et al) do their jobs (or do their tasks for them)... entirely another matter altogether. If you're a RESOURCE, then BE all that you can be... just don't be my SUPERVISOR in the process... already got one... and you can't have him! Just don't presume to be in my chain-of-command (read: food chain) when it suits your preferences because you're too gun-shy about rectifying a bad communication issue - that didn't involve me to begin with - in the other functional area. Work it out, Ice, work it out.
Guess I shared all that to say this... If wishing and hoping filled up my hands, I wouldn't be able to get my work done. So, LORD help those who think they're helping me realize they need help, too. MMLIA
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