Has Helpmate Helping Hindered Healing?

Ah, mah-widge - a  tip of the hat, in homage to the Princess Bride - to be bound for all time (this side of eternity anyway) with your lifelong "helpmate" - 'till death do you part. That is not to say that such unions stay in a state of perpetual bliss, oh no, no, no, true believers... it ain't necessarily so.

The Holy Bible models many marriages that we can relate to (or wish for, considering whatever temporary situations we find ourselves in this day).

What we see in marriages therein (still, the Holy Bible) is in Scripture for our instruction - helping us to understand what GOD requires, and what our (positional) attitude should be in-and-out of times which GOD decides to move in our lives.

No more poignant example exists within this narrow scope of matrimony, than that of "Job".

"There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job..." (Job.1.1a.esv)

Job - whether a literal or figurative character from the time of the Patriarchs - was described in generalizations within the Bible's Old Testament as being a holy man and (unbeknownst to him at the time) an object lesson in hard times and trials.

It's a "given" - in this life, we will have trials...

Whether personally vested in, or merely knowledgable of, traumatic (national) events - we grieve; and, albeit we grieve, we know that healing comes regardless.

In my lifetime, living in the southeastern United States, these events impacted me the most:

* President Reagan's Assasination Attempt - March 30, 1981
* Space Shuttle Challenger - January 28, 1986
* Hurricane Hugo - 1989
* Hurricane Andrew - 1992
* Election of Bill Clinton - 1992
* Re-Election of Bill Clinton - 1996
* NY/PA/DC Terrorist Attacks - September 11, 2001
* Space Shuttle Columbia - February 1, 2003
* President Reagan's Passing - June 5, 2004
* Hurricane Katrina - 2005
* Election of Barak Obama - 2008
* Re-election of Barak Obama - 2012

(Yes, I underline for emphasis, build a bridge and get over it.)

In my sanctified imagination, I can almost see Job's list of impactful trials, I think it'd be a short list... in the number two position would be what GOD permitted Satan to do to him. The top answer would be "that woman [GOD] gave [him]" - the "helpmate" he married.

Grace Under Fire...

When our own trials arise, does our grieving resemble Job's...

"Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped... [and] Job did not sin or charge God with wrong." (Job.1.20,22.esv) 

...or some type of reaction we'd like to liken to posting an embarassing picture out on Facebook, letting those at church see cracks in your "nearly perfect" veneer of either godliness or peaceful home/family? Ouchie.

SO not Helping...

"Then his wife said to him, "Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die."  But he said to her, "You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?" In all this Job did not sin with his lips." (Job.2.9-10.esv)

Job was (fortunately, or unfortunately) married. And, brothers-and-sisters... Job's wife was a real piece of... work.

No where else in the Book of Job does any further account of Job's wife occur. One would ask why... one who hears one asking why would say "Duh-uh".

Keep Your Friends Close, Keep Your Enemies Closer...

Given that the bulk of the Book of Job is a long-drawn out dialogue from three of Job's (not-so-sharp) friends, we'll forego that for now and focus in on Job's wife.

Is it not been mankind's experience that those who know us best, wound us deepest? Consider this... it's one thing for a kid that ain't yours to walk down the hall in church, haul off and sucker punch you and laugh about it; but, entirely a more grievous issue for your own progeny to even toy with your heart and state, "I hate you."

In light of those real-world events, consider Job's wife - she sees all what has been wrought against her husband (Job) and entices him to "curse God and die". Y'know, some (if not all) might have been her kids, too.

The man's already down-and-out and you want to dig your 3400 year old stillettos into your husband? Whoa, Nellie!

A Complete Restoration...

My favorite parts of the Book of Job would have to be -

"And the LORD restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before." (Job.42.10.esv)

Of special note, Scripture cites that his siblings "showed him sympathy and comforted him for all the evil that the LORD had brought upon him." GOD "permits" evil, Satan needs permission to acost the Saints.

and -

"He had also seven sons and three daughters." (Job.42.13.esv)

Probably by other wives (or wife) - being that Job's (initial) wife is conspicuously absent after chapter 2, these children - being a blessing from GOD - would doubtfully come via the "nagging wife".

"And Job died, an old man, and full of days." (Job.42.17.esv)

Ah ha! I cannot fathom why - as additional rationale as to why Job never saw his "Chapter 2" wife again - GOD would permit Job a long life with anyone that embittered.

Thank GOD I am not Job - and that my wife is not THAT wife - and that GOD is GOD. MMLIA.

I Ain't Singing

I use to get in to SO much trouble in school whenever it afforded me an opportunity to "journal", write poetry, or entertain my classmates - especially in "chorus". Two of my specific "gifts" in the realm of music were...

1) singing falsetto, behind the altos practicing their respective part and flatting random notes so they'd have to do it again-and-again;
2) parodying anything we were singing

So, suffice it to say, Christmastime in public school was fodder for my hyper-creative mind. Here's a sampling of things I've written over the years...

"Up on the Housetop":

"Up on the sidewalk, breaking laws
Drives a gin-soaked Santa Claus
Careening amongst the girls and boys
All four wheels lock, hear the noise

Uh-oh, no - wouldn't go slow
Uh-oh, no - even in snow (oh)
On the scene, the coroner's quick
The cops have arrested Ole Saint Nick"

Another favorite... "The Christmas Song":

"Beer nuts open near a toasty fire
Your dog lickin' 'tween my toes
"Roll Tide" towel being draped o'er a tire
An' jokes 'bout Ding Dongs and Ho-Ho's

Everybody knows a turkey like my Uncle Moe
Helps to forget my Cousin Mike (on a)
Tiny cot, as he sits on Death Row,
Finding it hard to sleep tonight"

And, who could forget... "Frosty the Snowman":

"Freddy, the Mailman was a sad, demented soul
With a fright of dogs and a bad left knee 
He went out in to the snow

Freddy, the Mailman is a scardy cat they say
As he walked his route, all the children shout, 
"Cujo will bite you here one day"

There must've been some tragic signs that Freddy did not see
For when he saw the Saint Bernard
He fell and broke his knee..."

And, finally, an old time favorite... "White Christmas":

"I'm screaming for a debt-less Christmas
Just like the ones Dad didn't owe
Where the toys weren't costly
And charge cards low fees
Had Mom's jewelry out of hock by June"

Merry Christmas, y'all! MMLIA

What's Your Type?

There are only four types of churches - those who purport to be the Body of Christ - whether, or not, that is proven to be true by the litmus of scripture.

Now, we could endlessly debate on what the "church" (actually) is... or we could run with the definition that it is merely those who are True Believers in Christ, regardless of what physical building they make it a point to frequent on this ball of mud we call "Earth".

Given the context, here are the four broadest categories which all local gaggles of the Body of Christ could be collectively grouped into.

1. Those Without GOD's Love or Righteousness
a. Per scripture, this church would (most) resemble: Church at Laodicea (Rev.3.15)
b. In modern times, their doctrine may be found in: any church over-emphasizing any spiritual gift (or singular member of the Trinity) to the exclusion of any other gift (or God-head member) for their own glory.
c. Typical pastor would resemble: Benny Hinn

2. Those With GOD's Love But Lacked His Righteousness
a. Per scripture, this church would (most) resemble: Church at Thyatira (Rev.2.20)
b. In modern times, this doctrine may be found in: progressive Catholic churches - as well as most churches choosing to describe itself as "non-evangelical"
c. Typical pastor would resemble: Joel Olsteen

3. Those Without GOD's Love But Uses His Righteousness
a. Per scripture, this church would (most) resemble: Church at Ephesus (Rev.2.4-5)
b. In modern times, this doctrine may be found in: Westboro Baptist Church, Topeka, KS
c. Typical pastor would resemble: Fred Waldron Phelps, Sr. (or the scary pastor off Poltergeist)
4. Those With GOD's Love and Righteousness
a. Per scripture, this church would (most) resemble: Church at Philadelphia (Rev.3.8)
b. In modern times, this doctrine may be found in: very, very few churches - in America, only in small start-up and home churches
c. Typical pastor would resemble: (Honestly, there have been those who've closely modeled Christ - but will not be listed here to preserve their humility)

Now, in the Book of Revelation there are other churches mentioned - some with traits of the four above - which were not cited for the point of this article. Not to say they get a proverbial "pass"; but, for points of illustration, were not as poignant as the others cited.

MMLIA

When I'm Spanked - Yeah, As If

I got to thinking a few minutes ago - the English language is SO convoluted, really.

My panache for "seeing words", as I call it, has created situations where my brain has already fired off a retort via my mouth before my conscience has a moment to gather intel (sighs). It happens rarely... but happens none-the-less.

As I grew up, I was becoming very familiar with the difference between WHEN and IF - and I have my parents and my third grade teachers to thank for that. "WHEN", they said, "you mess up, you're going to get it after lunch."

Note: they never said IF, as it was already a foregone conclusion that you were going to (proverbially) step in/on it.

But, alas - my third grade year 'twas also the year they took spanking (a.k.a. paddling) out of public schools in South Carolina.

I remember the pure shock and morbid fear on the faces of the teachers WHEN it was announced over the loud speaker(s). What would they do now IF we "stepped in it"?

Becoming a soldier, a husband, a father, a Christian... I've had another epiphany: the word AS. It has become my favorite adverb.

AS communicates not only a foregone conclusion (i.e. WHEN), but it strikes me as a more aggressive (read: directive) article of speech. Here... let me enlighten you AS to why...

Parent to Child:

WHEN you grow up... I pray you mature. (Pleasant)
IF you grow up... it'll be a miracle. (Funny)
AS you grow up... keep in mind that I don't have to let you do so. (Hilarious)

Boss to Employee:

WHEN you are out of the office for a protracted period of time... make sure you sign a leave slip. (Blah)
IF you are out of the office for a protracted period of time... you will be let go. (Ouch)
AS you are out of the office for a protracted period of time... start looking for another job. (Jingle-BLAM)

 
Teacher to Student:

WHEN you use your cell phone in my class... it disrupts the lesson plan. (Whatever)
IF you use your cell phone in my class... I will call your parents. (Riiiiiight)
AS you are using your cell phone in my class... I am going to confiscate it and demonstrate how I hammer nails (Pwned)

County Sheriff to Speeding Motorist:
 
WHEN you speed in my jurisdiction... you must read and heed posted speed limits. (Warning)
IF you speed in my jurisdiction... you must read and heed posted speed limits. (Citation)
AS you speed in my jurisdiction... you have the right to remain silent, anything you say... (Ruh-roe, Shaggy)
 

 Deli Owner to Patron:

WHEN you come up to the counter, be ready to place your order or...
step aside and let the next customer order. (Polite)

IF you come up to the counter, be ready to place your order or...
I will start whistling the Jeopardy bonus round tune. (Stern) 

AS you come up to the counter, be ready to place your order or...
NO SOUP FOR YOU! (What we would all want to say)

Company Commander to His Soldiers:

WHEN the enemy attacks... arrange a meeting between them and GOD (like Robert Duvall)
IF the enemy attacks... then they are definitely looking forward to that meeting (like Robert Duvall)
AS the enemy attacks... keep in mind that it's good manners to ensure that they’re early for that meeting (like Robert Duvall)

Leave it to a memory of the GOD-less public education system to stir me up to writing about adverbs. MMLIA