One Flew Out of the Cuckoo's Nest

Why is it that an adult child can leave the proverbial nest for the ump-teenth time and each time the matriarch sobs as if it's the very first time the progeny does so?

Maybe it's the affliction of the male mindset - you know, if we got a map, compass and fuel in the tank they cannot hide, er... live too far away. It's a mantra we all follow... that and the secret handshake (but I digress).

Men (ordinarily) do not internalize an event to the point where it incapacitates them - metrosexuals aside. Females, however, permit these waves of estrogen to come crashing down upon them as if it's a badge of honor.

And, THAT'S the simple part - knowing it's coming. The hard part? Dealing with it... if you're the man.

Let me lay it out there first: Men, there's no right condolence be given, there's no prescribed length of time the waterworks will gush, and there's not a you-know-what we can do about it.

However, there may be coping methods you can employ to make the best out of a very anxiety-filled situation.

1) Say nothing. Silence is (still) golden... and it won't give her insensitive ammo to use against you later.

2) Stay in the room. Last thing she wants to feel when she's feeling blue is "alone" - sorta like what you'll be later if you jump ship on her during THIS ordeal.

3) Don't look her in the eye. Last thing our testosterone needs is an excuse to weep out of our eye sockets... not that it ever happened to me, no... and don't ask my kids.

4) Hold her. Not in a romantic way... let's just say, hold her like you'd hold your brother or sister. Be nice to her NOW, and she may reciprocate your thoughtfulness later.

5) Encourage the traitor to hug her. After all, she's the reason your (formerly) blushing bride is going through what she's going through.

6) Let her cry. The LAST thing she needs to hear from ANYONE is, "Don't cry." That sorta ranks up there with, "She's NOT gonna be that far away." Cause all they'll hear is "cry" and "far away", trust me.

7) Allow her to wax rhapsodic. The voice is a wondrous thing - at time of high stress it can go from alto to baritone (usually accompanied by a slight depression) all the way up to soprano (in the throes of weeping, whilst trying to talk).

All that said to say this - it ain't about finding a particular "happy spot" in all this "emptying of the nest", it's more about dealing with the fall out and damage-control. The old adage of "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" cannot be applied here - not only is it un-Biblical, it's impossible to sustain.