To E-mail Or Not - A Loaded Question

At work, e-mail is the bane of my existence. Okay, that's probably a bit more dramatic than I wanted to be, but it's also like the stork bringing the proverbial bundle of joy (read: work, fires to put out, crises of crises).

On my home account, it's even more so.

I seem to be the intended target of e-mail marketers peddling a little bit of everything - either that or I've got "spam me" associated with my e-mail address (my apologies to Monty Python, the royalty check is in the mail, not).

I mean, looking back on it, I almost wish the US Postal Service had the gumption, back in the 80's, to implement a penny usage fee on every e-mail sent across the Internet, within the United States.

See, that way we could use a few of  the all-too-familiar processes that work with standard (snail) mail. Of those, my personal favorites being:

1) Return to Sender - we could receive their e-mail, choose to permanently prohibit additional mail and the USPS could collect fines for violations.

2) Unknown Address, Unable to Forward - this option would allow the owner of the e-mail in question to appear to be unusable; it would be most helpful in preventing the re-sale of verifiable e-mail addresses to other marketers

3) Deceased - the funniest one, directing the would-be marketer to a website to make a donation to defray from burial costs... sorry, starting to sound like the Globe Life goobers.

Now, I do think some type of governance on e-mail could be a good thing; but, given the reality of our fallen world, I know that the cure for what ails our mail should begin with how most of us approach the use of e-mail in the first place.

Top Ten Approaches To Taming E-mail:

1. Don't forward nothing you (yourself) have seen more than once - chances are, it's making it's rounds... again.

2. If it's clever, and someone else wrote it... the recipient has seen it, so don't send it.

3. If it's clever, and I wrote it, please send it along with something more than, "Hey y'all read this!"

4. If it's info needed inside of 24 hours, don't e-mail it... pick up the phone and call.

5. If it's info needed inside of a week, e-mail and follow-up with a call - e-mail could be down.

6. If someone asks you for someone's e-mail address, tell them to talk to that person.

7. If someone forwards an e-mail without writing a personal note - delete it.

8. If someone forwards an e-mail, writes a personal note, but it has more "FW's" in it than you have ounces of printer ink, delete it.

9. If someone forwards an e-mail, and it appears to be an 'end-of-civilization-as-we-know-it' type subject, investigate it and let them (and others if they were sent the same e-mail to their entire address book) know, in no uncertain terms your disappointment in what they've done and that they should have performed due diligence to know it that it was false or only half-true.

10. Don't open attachments, links or accept cookies unless you know how to get to the sender's house, in the middle of the night... because, when the spyware, virus and malware loads and destroys the hard drive (again), you can go to the sender's home, sit there long enough to tell them of your dissatisfaction via a healthy chorus of wailing, gnashing of teeth, shaving of the head, throwing on sackcloth and ashes after completely reading the first chapter of the Book of Job.

Yes, in a "perfect" world... there wouldn't even BE e-mail.

Knowing Thine Enemy - Introductions Are In Order

Okay, folks, if you're reading this then you're probably all too aware of the fact that I don't make any bones about being a Christian. Fair enough, you know where I stand. Now, to get down to business.

What GOD has been laying on my heart recently is the less-than-committed nature some I've seen out there, at the job site, in Wally World - some who purportedly have made a decision to submit themselves to (and under) the Lordship of our Savior Jesus Christ.

I mean, it's one thing for folks to say they believe in GOD, believe in Jesus, trust the Bible... but to say (and believe, of course) all that just to turn around and dismiss the presence of demons? Well, now you're talking CRAZY-talk.

Sure, most Christians we run into (run over, tear down - just kidding) believe in angels; but, very few actually believe that there's a Devil and demons. And, here's the kicker, even if they DO acknowledge the existence of Satan - they often ascribe more power to him than he's capable of... or discount him to something akin to an old Warner Brothers cartoonist's object of laughter.

Oh, don't get me wrong - Satan IS powerful. But, you must - with that same breath - remember that prior to any of us being here, Lucifer led a revolt and was cast out with a third of the hosts of Heaven. Lucifer (Satan) was an angel and took multitudes of his co-conspirators with him, down to Earth.

Satan (Lucifer) is not all-knowing, all-powerful, or ever-present. Those are traits of our Sovereign GOD. Satan commands all the demons (a.k.a. fallen angels, the aforementioned third of the hosts of Heaven which revolted with him). Make no mistake... they are organized, efficient and plentiful... much like a Roman army, and much more so than our federal government - a blog for another day, perhaps?

Back on track, per se.

Demons possess unbelievers - to what extent, I am unclear. But, Christians - because of the Holy Spirit within them - cannot be possessed. With that being said, however, I believe whatever pockets of 'self' we harbor, keep from the LORD, affords demons an opportunity to harass, toy with, and malign Christians to the point of defeat.

Imagine, if you will... tendrils of fingers going into the back of your neck, with an unseen demon perched upon one of your shoulders, manipulating headaches, anger, clouding judgment, etc. Do the phrases, "a monkey on your back" or "a devil on your shoulder" seem accurate in the instance? To be "pressed but not crushed", hmm?

As I understand it, and after reading Scripture, I'm beginning to think that if any of us were to battle the true persona of Satan in spiritual warfare - we would've remembered doing so and would be able to brandish our bruises to boot.

Brothers and Sisters... do not ascribe Satan any more consideration than he needs, were he to show up. But, when the demons press you, confess any sin in the name of Jesus, admit disobedience, and beg GOD - in faith - in the name of Jesus that every demon within the sound of your voice to flee.

Grieves Me to Not Grieve, Coping Yet Again

A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to spend about two hours at a visitation for dear Christian friends from our previous church, who had lost their only daughter. It grieved me to hear of it just earlier that same morning when one of my Brothers woke me with the news.

After being there that night, I became mindful of several passages in Scripture - not as a result of seeing the Christ-like behaviors of self-proclaimed Christians modeled before me at the visitation... but by the lack consideration for those grieving.

Let me explain.

In Galatians 6:2 the writer encourages us to "bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the Law of Christ." Yet, I saw (and heard) many people drawing off the attention in that atmosphere, elevating their own conditions, challenges and inconveniences far above the situation... and, by way of a huge faux pas, doing so within earshot of the grieving parents.

So, why did they even go to the funeral home that night?

In Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, the 'old man' states that there is a time for everything, "a time to be born , and a time to die..." and "...a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance..." Yet, at that particular time I heard and saw much unrelated laughter - bordering on revelry - associated with heated discussions ranging from last season's football stats to parties these revelers were going to afterwards.

A party? Really? Really... sad.

In Romans 12:15, Paul - as the LORD had laid on his heart to write - chose these words... "Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep." I know laughter is good medicine - but shouldn't it be appropriate - both in substance and timing - to the circumstances? I, myself, use to subscribe to the myth that some folks needed to laugh to "cope" with the situation. Those who choose this mechanism of coping strike me not so much so as "rude" but "selfish".

When were these "mourners" going to mourn? Honestly, what impression were they under?

I have decided (other than "to follow Jesus") that I don't need 'coping mechanisms' for what stresses me.

And Jesus said, "my grace is sufficient for you" (2 Cor 12:9) and I don't have to deal with the stress in this life all by myself because I don't have to "cope" with it, I can surrender my stress to His grace - Praise the LORD!  No, I don't need a 'coping mechanism' - I don't have to own "it".

He (also) said for Christians to "...take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Mat 11:30) I can surrender my burden for a better one - Praise the LORD! I don't need a 'coping mechanism' - I'm not that strong.

The prophet said, 700 years before My Savior was born, "but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." (Isa 40:31). I can surrender my impatience for endurance - Praise the LORD! I don't need a coping mechanism - I don't have a promise of His strength.




I can put myself aside and (really) be there for those who need me to simply be there - even if I don't have the right words to say. It's known has a "ministry of presence"; and, in that silence, the Spirit may choose to minister, to speak and to be the Word through me (and others) in order to bring comfort to the grieving ones.

So, yet again, as this life is bench-marked (new) more losses - I find myself going to (yet) another visitation tomorrow night. The names are changed, the chapel is different, the cause of death even more so; but, in that silence, that ministry, that mission which the Spirit directs - I can be a presence for the LORD in that place.

And, it will try me - each one does - but this one, more so. It will be my parents grieving for the loss of a friend, while they grieve with his surviving widow, another friend.

And they need the presence of the LORD there, they will require my presence, not a coping mechanism.

Well, Isn't That Special

As the perennial Podunk pontificator, the late (great) Jerry Clower, once remarked, "There are many people who have been educated beyond their intelligence."

I think - given my career(s) - it's a safe bet I don't fall into that category... (one of) my problem(s) is that I enjoy using "big words". At my age (and shape), the majority of my time spent exercising is focused on the grey muscle between my ears... to see if I can "stretch" the matter. Otherwise, the only aerobic activity I get is either "jumping to conclusions" or "pushing my luck".

Now, I'm not attacking elitists... okay, maybe a little; but, I'm focusing on those who (in the words of the Apostle Paul) should "...not think of himself more highly than he ought..." (Rom.12.3.kjv).

With that being said, yes, the lion's share of those falling into this gaggle are (in fact) elitist - at least, given most the people I come into contact with. I have friends who could walk with Jagger's swagger and tout a mouthful of gobbledygook following their surnames - but, those folks are found few and far between the scores of others.

But, more to the point...

Dealing with those "enlightened individuals" in a down-to-earth way can be fun. Here's some tips I use...

1) Call them by their first name. While irksome to most, there have been other (better) people who've insisted their team members, employees, congregations, et al, to keep relationships "familiar" in every setting - these folks, I'd follow to the ends of the earth (i.e. Bethune).

2) Save and use their contact info without all the alphabet soup. (monologuing:) I know you went to school for eight years to get that degree, I know you wrote a book, got published and received the prestigious "whatchamacallit" from "wherever"... but it'll save me some typing, so "there"... I win.

3) Get to know the lowly and meek who (have to) work with them. I find that I can get a great deal more accomplished if I deal with those who make these guys (and gals) "look good"... and, if it serves as the latest example of how dependent I may not be on them, within a larger barrage of life lessons, so be it.

4) Use opportunities to cajole them out of their comfort level. My favorite - yes, I should not take such delight in it (Pro.24.17.esv) - is inviting someone to a meeting concerning topics out on the periphery (if not altogether outside) of their skill set, just to let them know that the world would still revolve around the sun if they weren't there to "make it so" (apologies Jean Luc).

5) Feign a little ignorance when recalling that person's name in front of other elitists. Now I'm not saying to belittle them - we don't assassinate characters of those not present to defile themselves - but, when referring to an absent elitist in front of another in the same field, you pause... snap you're fingers and grasp at the proverbial air for a name that escapes your tongue - all in an effort to play "fill in the blank" with your audience. When they blurt out the honorific title, last name and any/all of the alphabet-soup which follows, you affirm them by saying something akin to, "Yes, good old Joe." (This isn't as effective over the phone as it is in person, trust me.)

I'm not saying these suggestions are an iron-clad "cure all", and those who think too highly of themselves will inexplicably stop levitating long enough to shake your hand and genuinely express their gratitude for bringing them back down to earth. (No guarantees - written or implied - no 90-day money back, no C.O.D.'s, all sales are final.)

But, perhaps, in my old strange ( and sad, even) little way, I am helping others who may have read the second chapter of Philippians and may (inadvertently) find themselves feeding this "elitist mindset" by thinking more highly of others than they (themselves) ought?

We'll see, said the blind man.

One Flew Out of the Cuckoo's Nest

Why is it that an adult child can leave the proverbial nest for the ump-teenth time and each time the matriarch sobs as if it's the very first time the progeny does so?

Maybe it's the affliction of the male mindset - you know, if we got a map, compass and fuel in the tank they cannot hide, er... live too far away. It's a mantra we all follow... that and the secret handshake (but I digress).

Men (ordinarily) do not internalize an event to the point where it incapacitates them - metrosexuals aside. Females, however, permit these waves of estrogen to come crashing down upon them as if it's a badge of honor.

And, THAT'S the simple part - knowing it's coming. The hard part? Dealing with it... if you're the man.

Let me lay it out there first: Men, there's no right condolence be given, there's no prescribed length of time the waterworks will gush, and there's not a you-know-what we can do about it.

However, there may be coping methods you can employ to make the best out of a very anxiety-filled situation.

1) Say nothing. Silence is (still) golden... and it won't give her insensitive ammo to use against you later.

2) Stay in the room. Last thing she wants to feel when she's feeling blue is "alone" - sorta like what you'll be later if you jump ship on her during THIS ordeal.

3) Don't look her in the eye. Last thing our testosterone needs is an excuse to weep out of our eye sockets... not that it ever happened to me, no... and don't ask my kids.

4) Hold her. Not in a romantic way... let's just say, hold her like you'd hold your brother or sister. Be nice to her NOW, and she may reciprocate your thoughtfulness later.

5) Encourage the traitor to hug her. After all, she's the reason your (formerly) blushing bride is going through what she's going through.

6) Let her cry. The LAST thing she needs to hear from ANYONE is, "Don't cry." That sorta ranks up there with, "She's NOT gonna be that far away." Cause all they'll hear is "cry" and "far away", trust me.

7) Allow her to wax rhapsodic. The voice is a wondrous thing - at time of high stress it can go from alto to baritone (usually accompanied by a slight depression) all the way up to soprano (in the throes of weeping, whilst trying to talk).

All that said to say this - it ain't about finding a particular "happy spot" in all this "emptying of the nest", it's more about dealing with the fall out and damage-control. The old adage of "If momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" cannot be applied here - not only is it un-Biblical, it's impossible to sustain.

Order Up - one Type A, one Type B

GOD has a sense of humor.

No, seriously, He does. Why? Because every parent inherits the previous generation's curse - usually an epitaph-like murmur from the matriarch akin to "I hope you have a kid just... like... you!"

Not only did this seemingly dire and mysterious gypsy-like prognostication come to be... let's just say my mother got a bargain for her babbling.

Introducing the eldest - a typical Type B personality, with her heart on her proverbial sleeve. She strives to be just-like-daddy in most things - had an exact duplicate of my genes until the last few years (poor child). Scared of needles and spiders, she seeks to work out a residual aggressive nature with children young enough to have to have annual shots, in an outdoor camp setting. Am I the only one to see the irony in this?

Not to be outdone, enter (from stage right) her sibling, Type A - complete with the latest competition service pack and over-analyzing malware.  Brandishing a streak of independence a mile wide, and aspirations just as high, she boldly goes where mother and father are scared to go, at least at her preferred velocity. (Remind me to tell you about the "broken gas pedal" later.)

At times, both are like oil and water... its a rarity to have them both occupy the same atmospheric envelope; but, at times, they've been known to be simpatico... and the balance of the time, they're fast asleep. At this stage in their separate but similar collegiate experiences, they've melded tastes and activities quite well. At younger ages - and prior to the eldest launching herself college-ward, they would Venn but only on command or at the threat of great harm to their social-life.

However, the juvenile picking aside, they've both honored their father and mother and have carved godly paths out of the insanity that is college life. And, besides... I gotta give 'em props, they'll be picking out my nursing home in a few years.